Improv Resource Center - Forums

The idea of keeping a journal scares the crap out of me. When I was a child my parents always encouraged me to keep a journal to record my thoughts and experiences, so that I could always look back on what I had done. Hmm, keep a written record of all the f'd up stuff I think about, write down the things I experience, O.K. I think I'll pass. That is what my God given memory is for. When you are the youngest child by 9 years and already have to pay for crap that your older siblings did you don't provide any additional cause for concern. If I truly thought that my journal would not be read and was safe from prying eyes I might have kept it, but then it would have seemed quite a bit like masturbation, usually a completely selfish act. Which is fine except that in this case it would have been like doing it under the dining room table and leaving the evidence, it will unquestionably come back to haunt you someday. I don't particulary care for being judged, the idea that you are reading this and making judgements about my spelling (which sucks), my grammar (which is questionable) and what I have to say, is uncomfortable. Possibly made more so by the fact that we in all probability don't know each other. If I continue to do this and you continue to read, you may get to know me, but what do I get out of the deal? We'll see. So I'm doing this to push myself, I have no fear of getting up on stage with scripted lines and making them my own. "outside in then out again" is circular, hard for some people, easy for me. "inside out" is a straight line, no return.

We were doing monologues in our workshop and the coach stopped me at the beginning and ask me if I was about to tell a real story. "Well, no" telling a real story is like putting my life on display in un edited fashion. Way uncofortable! Unless we're friends my personal life is none of your damn business. Now, I'm getting to know my 'shopmates and I consider them friends, but this is practice for performance. My Idea is an escape from reality not re-living it for the pleasure (or not) of the masses.

So, I'm starting a journal, we'll see how it feels.