Because Paper's Water Soluble

[matt-the-gr7]

Monday 21st July 2003

Hey, you don’t know me.
At least I’m guessing you don’t. You might. You might be that guy I see on my way to work every day, or the girl that I used to know from college, but who’s name I could never remember.

For the chunk of the population that that doesn’t cover . . .
I’m Matt, ( that’s an easy one to start you off with, you probably logged that from the name at the ^ top ^ there ). I’m literate, I’m 19, I have trouble sleeping, and I watch way too much TV.

Yeah, there’s a chance those last two are probably related.

Anyway, lately I’ve been writing stuff down a lot, random thoughts, stuff I’ve done, and lists of whatever’s on my mind at the minute. What with the water solubility of paper, the amount of time I spend on the site anyway, and the fact that I have bad handwriting, I thought I’d put some of it on here, and give you a slice of my head
( not in the bloody, painful way. Well, unless my writing’s really that unbearable )

Right now I’m at work, I do pointless office work, I’m a trainee. I need to get a proper job, although I’m probably not helping the case by typing out all this when I should be working, but like I said, it’s pointless stuff anyway.

Anyway, that’s me. Thought I’d start with a little intro, and go from here.
.

 

[matt-the-gr7]

I just don't care

Within the past six months I've become, what I class it in my head as, 'Removed'.

You might have no idea what I mean by that as it's pretty damn vague, then again, those feeling the same as I am might get it straight away if there are any of you reading this. Either way I'm gonna explain.

I've never been a good 'people person', but lately I've become kinda removed from everything. When I'm talking to someone the conversation never interests me and I'm usually only talking to avoid awkward silences, not about anything I actually want to say.

When I'm doing anything, I seem to be watching myself third person. It doesn't feel as though it's me doing it, but that I'm watching what’s happening and just going along with it.

I always feel more comfortable on my own, I try to book my days off when I know everyone else at home's either at work or school so that I can just be by myself for a day.

I've become complacent and don't care about stuff any more, my enthusiasm left, slashed my tires, and took the house and car. ( the theoretical house and car )

If I'm watching something on TV or listening to the radio with someone else in the room, and it's something I've turned on, I get skittish if I think that the other person thinks it sucks. Its stupid, and I can't reason it out, it's not like I should even give a damn.

Hey, maybe I'm having an identity crisis, not that any of those sound vaguely related to having an identity crisis, but I always thought that'd be kind of cool in a flipped kinda way.

 

[matt-the-gr7]

Movie Time

Thought I'd share some of my favourite movies with, well, me I guess since this is supposed to be a monologue kinda thing. Whatever, I talk to myself anyway.

Dog Soldiers:
A British werewolf movie (I'm a big werewolf fan by the way) in which a group of soldiers on training exercises in Scotland under a full moon get attacked by a pack of werewolves. They have to hole-up in a farmhouse and fight them off until morning, slowly losing numbers and revealing the true reason they're there.
It switches between horror (but without being a gore-fest) and dark comedy, the characters a cool, and the werewolves are guys in suits, that gives it a more real feeling than you get with cgi. You'll be laughing out loud in the middle of some of the attack sequences, and not because you're a socially unacceptable kind of person, but because a lot of the film is genuinely funny.

The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly:
Most of you'll have heard of this one, but if you haven't. It's a spaghetti western with some excellent sequences and gunfights that centres around Clint Eastwood, as The Man With No Name, the seriously cool anti-hero and two rivals all looking for a stolen fortune in gold, and double crossing each other throughout.

The Hitcher:
Rutger Hauer stars in this as a psychotic hitchhiker stalking the kid unlucky enough to be the one to pick him up.
The first line of dialogue in the film is about 5 minutes in, when Jim (the driver) greets Rutger Hauer with the line ''My Mom told me never to do this''
Jim is then the victim of the hitcher’s increasingly violent and targeted vendetta in which he relentlessly pursues him raising the body count along the way and implicating Jim for the crimes. An excellent 'road movie' with a unique atmosphere to the film that grabs your interest and holds you throughout.

There are like a dozen others that could be up here, but if I gave you an overview of them all, well you'd get bored frankly, and besides I really should get back to work.

 

[matt-the-gr7]

Music Piracy

I download music.
I have done for the past two years.

Yes, in some people’s opinion I am a thief, no better than someone who pushes in front of the elderly at the bus stop, throws stuff at squirls, and wears that nasty looking long sleeved coat shoplifting in HMV.
In the opinion of others, it's something you barely register, you're fine with it, I like you people more.

When I hear something I like, or see a music video I like, I'll download the track. I don't see anything wrong with doing this. Maybe I'm just trying to justify my horrible crimes, well yeah maybe, but here’s why:

I download a track so that I can listen to it when I want, a lot of the time a song I've downloaded will stay on my computer for a couple of months until you get over the 'original appeal' and realise that while it sounded great when you got it, by now you're damn sick of it, and can see it for being the mediocre, vaguely amusing product it is.

The songs that do get pride of place on my computer and aren't trashed after however long usually means that I'll download another couple by the band to see if they're as good.
Sometimes they are, in which case I'll go out and buy the CD.
Often they're not, in which case, if I had gone out and brought the CD, I'd by now have a shelf full of Albums that I only keep for one or two tracks.

If I have a bunch of songs by the one band, I'll maybe burn it onto a CD, if I do I always go out and buy the official album, the next time they release one. I've always done it that way, if I burn one I buy one.

I don't burn dozens of copies, and sell them to friends or whoever, I only download music to enjoy it myself. If CD's didn't cost me about £15.00 - £16.99 ($24.06 - $27.25 for those of you in the US) each, for most of the ones I like then I'm sure I'd buy a whole lot more.
They keep this price for like the next couple of years, and only go down after being relegated to the 'sale bin'

I prefer to buy the official CD, it's a better product than I can produce, plus you get the cover art, booklet, band info etc etc, lots of cool stuff. Unfortunately I'm not that well off that I can afford to buy the album / single of every song that piques my interest.

Sorry guys, but unless you're gonna make albums with more than 3 or 4 good tracks, and a load of filler, or at least lower the prices slightly I'm gonna keep downloading.

 

[matt-the-gr7]

The last couple of posts have just been me ranting about random stuff, so I thought I'd actually write something about what’s going on with me at the moment.

I'm still a trainee :wishy: so I need to start applying for a permanent position, I have like 5 months left, but if I just leave it I'll end up jobless again. Being jobless sucks, no money, nothing to do, lots of uber-fun job interviews, and those damn application forms.

[RANT]
I really, really don't like forms.
You have to have a form for damn everything now. You want a job? Fill in an application form. You want a driver licence / ID / passport / account / store card / damn anything? Fill out a form.

I've filled out so many I must be on a dozen mailing lists, computer systems, and 'on file'. I just get sick of all the beurocratic (is that right?) crap that we have to go through for anything nowadays. Personally I think we've got lost in all the rules, guidelines, regulations, laws, policies, and all that stuff, that it's far more effort to do anything now than it needs to be.

Out of the stuff you have to fill in, some of it's needed, most of it's irrelevant, a lot of it's just confusing and unnecessary, and all of it's long.
[/RANT]

Sorry about that. <and breathe> I'll move on:

So, besides work nothing much is happening with me at the moment, I might be starting my driving lessons again soon, and I've got a week off work soon ( -yay- ) the start of August when we're gonna be having a 'family holiday'. We have no idea where we going, we can't agree on what to do, and no one seems to be making any arrangements so it'll be a last minute thing I guess.

No one's really in the mood for a holiday at the moment, but since we've all got the time off the same week (which is obviously rare) we've decided to do something at least, even if it is really lame.

 

[matt-the-gr7]

Weekend

Well, the weekend is here and I have no plans. As Usual.

Damn my inadequate social life.

I have some plans obviously, but they mostly involve TV, Takeaway, Porn, And buying stuff that I don't need. Y'know, the usual stuff.

I might try again at fixing the computer. I kinda screwed it up after we formatted the C drive. We deleted everything to start again and get rid of all the crap that you unnavoidably accumulate which slowed it down pretty bad.

It worked fine, the computer's way faster now and we have a load extra space, but after I re-installed all of my stuff that I need, I found out that we no longer have the disks that you use to install the sound or color.

Crap.

Anyways, I managed to get the sound back by downloading an update off the Microsoft website, but the color is still screwed. It's stuck on '16 colors' and 640 x 480.

I'm pretty sure it's because the driver hasn't been installed,but I have no idea which one it would be anyway, and I'm not such a genius with that kinda thing, so it's left like that, and I have shitty color so none of my stuff looks cool anymore.

Any help would be greatly appreciated, even if it's really lame help that only screws it up worse. Hey at least you tried huh?

Nothing really newsworthy happening as yet, I'm meeting up with a mate tomorrow, to go to the cinema and see whatever's decent, unfortunately the mate isn't female, hot, or even very interesting to be honest.
I've known him for ages though, like since I was 8, so I guess maybe it's 'cause we've run out of stuff to say. Then again it might just be that we've both changed too much. Whatever, it's still better than anything else I'd be doing.

[ BTW, if I've got any errors, spelling mistakes, that sort of thing in any of my posts, message me so I can change it before it locks. You don't always see if you've screwed something up in what you wrote yourself, your brain misses it. Thanks, I'm kinda funny with things like that, I like stuff to be right. ]

 

[matt-the-gr7]

Bad Movie, Good Day

When we got to the cinema today, we went through the usual:
''What do you wanna see?''
''I don't know, what do you wanna see?''
''How about that?''
''Nah that looks shitty''
''What about that?''
''Nah, I've seen that''
etc, etc.

Anyways, we wind up seeing 'Agent Cody Banks' ( my mates choice, I voted for 'The Hulk' or 'Charlie's Angels 2'. ) and damn did that movie suck, I'm pretty sure it's aimed at like 12-15 year olds. It had that kid-movie feel. And a jet powered snowboard. Yeah, exactly.

I've got to get some more moviewise friends. He actually liked 'Resident Evil', plus he goes for all the world war II movies. Like I said before, I think we've both changed too much. We like totally different stuff now.

Besides that, the day was okay, went round not buying stuff (we're both kinda broke at the minute, or at least trying to save our cash) talking about old school friends, mocking each others tastes, the usual.

After I came back we went out for a family meal at the indian just up the road, filled with awkward silences, pointless chat about work / where to go on holiday, and other stuff. Hey, it's family, you can't expect to be interesting, they already know everything that you've done up to now and were probably there for most of your usually interesting stories.

Besides all that mediocre stuff, I'm actually in a pretty good mood at the minute, y'know how some days you're on a positive even though nothing's happened to warrant it. Maybe it's because something good is about to happen to me and I'm getting the pre-joy, like karmic splashback* or whatever.

*I won't pretend to know what I'm talking about but hey, that still sounded pretty cool.

 

[matt-the-gr7]

Stuff 'bout me

Just been reading back through my posts up to now, and I realised I haven't actually given much background info on myself. If you want it, here it is:

I'm 19 since May anyways, which makes me a Gemini for anyone who wants to know, but I don't really go in for any of that star sign stuff or horoscopes ( strange word huh? Horror - Scopes ).

I live in the UK, England to be specific. The West Midlands to be more so. ( Thats kinda in the middle and left a bit for those wondering. )

I'm working in an office pretty near to where I live as an Admin Trainee doing the usual office stuff, and looking for a permanent placement as I'm not technically employed, and my placement ends after December. If I don't get employed properly by then I go back to being unemployed :mope:.

I have bad fashion sense ( not terminal, but still not great ) and usually wear a cap, not so much because it makes my look, more so that I then don't have to mess with my hair in a morning which always ends up looking freaky.

I'm not so much a 'people person' and prefer to be on my own if I can, ( not in a creepy, gonna become a social dissident kinda way ) and would be a-lover-not-a-fighter if I could get any of the lovin' .

Favourite Stuff:

Films:
Dog Soldiers
The Good The Bad And The Ugly
The Hitcher
Falling Down
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Anything where something Giant destroys a city.

Music:
Punk, Rock mostly.
Golfinger
Sugarcult
Foo Fighters
Lit

TV:
Sci-fi Stuff
Comedy, esp.* stand up.
I try to avoid watching the news whenever possible, I know the world is screwed up, I don't need to be told about what new shit is happening every day, and I always get depressed if do have to watch.

I'm also kind of a comic-book geek, but I obviously don't like to admit that too often. I usually read Science Fiction when it comes to books, or anything to do with werewolves.

*esp - especially. I use that a lot, so thought I'd explain it.

 

[matt-the-gr7]

Just an Update

Haven't posted since Sunday, sorry 'bout that it's been a weird few days, you get thrown out of your usual schedule.

Anyways, news. Not much happened on Monday, the usual stuff with work and such, but I did start reading a new book I brought on the weekend. I’ve always liked reading but I’ve been off it for a while as we recently got Broadband Internet and Sky Tv ( although I always refer to it as ‘Cable’ ) so I’ve been preoccupied.

Tuesday was a strange day as I went to a funeral, left work at dinner. It was the first I’d ever been to, so I was extra freaked. It went well, the service was very well done by the vicar, I think he’s an old friend of my uncle or something like that.

One of the things that really caught me by surprise was when the vicar asked us all to stand for a hymn. I know it’s probably pretty standard fare but I totally never thought about it. I haven’t sung in public since primary school.

Yesterday ( Wednesday ) was a baad day at work. We’ve got loads of work, and everyone’s either away on holiday or ill, so there’s a ’troubled’ atmosphere. It’s the same today, but I’ve only got to stick it until Friday and then I’m free for a whole week.

I’m gonna try and switch off until then. I don't deal well with stress, so I think that's the best plan to stop me going all crazy-eyed and skittish.

 

[matt-the-gr7]

School Trip, Pt 1.

The other day I got the whole evening to myself, my parents were out at some weird auction and my brother was out with his mate. This may sound really lame to whoever might read this, but I like it when I can be on my own for a couple of hours and just relax.

That’s the thing about our house, there’s always someone here. It can really bug you when you’re a 19 year old guy and have your parents or brother around all the time.

Anyway, thought I’d share about the time I went on this freaky school trip since little is happening and my posts are getting boring. Maybe reminiscence will help keep interest.

Yours and mine, even I skip past some of the stuff I write, like I said this is mostly just a place for me to write down whatever it is that’s running through my head at the moment, if it entertains cool, if not write me angry e-mail.

Okay, so this time when I went to Germany with the school. Year 10 and 11 I think ( I was 15 and 16 respectively ) we drove there on a coach, down to the channel tunnel then through France, Belgium I think, and Germany.

Anyway, this was the first time I’d been away from home for an extended period. Relative freedom. Although ‘Freedom’ included about 20 other people from my year, and tasted strangely of toast and lipstick.

The things that made it interesting though were mostly to do with the fact that I was in a foreign country with only a bunch of people I sorta knew for company. Some of them I regretted knowing, like our room-mate ( there were four of us ) ‘Dancin’ Boy’.

I’m using an alias to protect him, but by now I expect he’s probably protected from society in a nice room with soft walls.

He was always a strange kid, the one who’s name everyone knew but not in such a good way, he’d randomly stand up and proclaim things like ‘I ate fish for dinner yesterday’, and always called me either ‘Greg’ or ‘Martin’.

I’ll have to save what actually happened for the next post as there’s a film starting I want to catch soon.

 

[matt-the-gr7]

School Trip, Pt 2.

Okay, so we get there and are told we have to have 'Dancin' Boy' in our room as he's the odd one out, without a room. Sure okay, he's weird but so what.

He, like most of us took a suitcase, and backpack of stuff. The difference? His suitcase was full of food, and all his clothes/bathroom stuff/etc was stuffed into his backpack.

He ate like two thirds of the food on the first night. We were all trying to sleep and all we're hearing is crunch, crunch, crunch, swallow, bite, crunch, crunch.

I woke up at one point because he was spilling Doritos on my head. In the morning the bin was full, and overflowing with packets and wrappers.

I swear that guy was getting ready to hibernate. Keeping up his sugar levels or something.

The next day we find out about his other weird habit. He showers all the freakin' time. He'd get up, shower, go downstairs for breakfast and have to come back up and shower before we went out. Then when we came back on an evening, another shower. Plus whenever he went to the toilet he had to take a shower as well.

I think I only got to shower twice the entire time I was there, could never get into the bathroom.

The way the room was set out, we had one big main section with two beds and a sofa, another section with a bed in it that had a pull curtain across the door, and the bathroom.

We put 'Dancin' Boy' in the curtained off section on his lonesome. For obvious reasons. Plus it was right next to the bathroom.

Every now and again though, you'd hear random noises coming from behind the curtain, mumbling, the odd grunt, sometimes half a word. None of us was brave enough to ever disturb him.

That was all the first time I went, luckily the second trip it was a three-person room. Sometimes I wonder where he is now, he's gotta be either at university or at work. If he's at work, what the hell kinda job would he be in?

 

[matt-the-gr7]

Side Note:

I called him 'Dancin' Boy' because the other guys in the hotel we were staying at used to hang around on the stairs and put their music on, and if he had an audience he'd start dancing.

Not very enthusastically. That swaying side-to-side, moving the arms dancing. I think maybe his parents deprived him of attention or something.

 

[matt-the-gr7]

Terminator 3

So another Saturday, another Film.

Not bad, pretty decent actually, but I still think they should’ve left it at T2. I think they just went for the third one as a cash in.

First day off work today, got a whole 8 more work-free days. :up: Tomorrow we're all going to my uncle's place. He owns a pub about 40 so miles away. He's a chef, going to cook us dinner so that should be cool.

We've got to go up to take my Grandad our old couch and chairs. Hired a van, my brother's got to sit on them in the back, not enough seats. My Grandad and my uncle live pretty close together so we're gonna stop off at both.

Should be an okay day, my uncle and cousin are pretty cool, and if not, hey he owns a pub, I'm sure I can stick it there for a couple of hours even if it does turn into one of those days.

Not that I drink much, almost exclusively when I go out with mates to a club, or something. I've just never really wanted to drink that much, I will if everyone else is, and if I'm out because it's just part of 'being out' y'know. Besides if I didn't most of those nights would be boring as hell.

Monday I’m hoping for a day when it’s just me, no family, no friends, just a day on my own to get my stuff done, chill out, not have to do anything much at all. See how it goes.

My old mate from school I mentioned a couple of posts back, ‘DoubleA’ was the guy I went to the cinema with. ( I decided he needed an alias ) Anyways, he’s invited me to go to his sisters 21st birthday party Friday, or maybe it’s Saturday, I forget which at the minute. His mom’s a friend of mine, so she invited my Mom, Dad, and brother as well. That should make for an awkward time. I barely know his sister anyway, and like I said, we’re not exactly in the ‘best buddy’ stage.

Ah well, who knows, it might be really cool right? Got nothing else planned ( big surprise there ) so I might as well go with this.

Besides, I decided I’m gonna make a conscious effort to try and do more stuff. My life’s got boring and mundane, unless I do something about it now, I’m gonna end up somewhere I don’t want to be in a couple years.

 

[matt-the-gr7]

Just a Sunday

Today went okay. Visited my Grandad and Uncle, took the furniture, stayed and hung out for a little while.

Had one of those distant days, when you don’t really want to get involved in anything that’s going on around you. I’ve been thinking too much lately, Y’know when you’ve got nothing to distract you and you start thinking about all the stuff that’s going on and it doesn’t seem quite as cool as you thought it was.

Hey, it’ll pass in like a day or two. I’m very fickle and I go through random phases in everything. I change too much, things seem really important or vital and relevant one minute, and then totally inconsequential the next.

I’ve learned to just ignore whatever’s going on in my head, ‘cause I know I’ll be in a totally different frame of mind / mood in a day or so.

 

[matt-the-gr7]

An Update

So, Monday went well, I got a good part of the day to myself, but due to the heat wave we’re in at the moment I just sat around the house wearing little and doing less.

Got some boring stuff done that I needed to do, and got some computer stuff I’ve been meaning to do out of the way. I was kinda planning on going out and buying crap-I-don’t-need-but-really-want but with the heat, my unwillingness to put on a bunch of too hot clothes, and general unspoken laws regarding acceptable wear in the mall, I gave it a miss.

I’m in one of those moods where I want to buy stuff to feel better, I like buying crap-I-don’t-need. Plus I really have to get some stuff I do need. A watch for instance, I haven’t had a watch for the past 4 years and its kinda time I got one. Also I need some new clothes, I’m not looking good at the moment. And a new cap, my old one’s looking kinda shitty now. Like I said before it saves me having to ineffectually try and do something with my hair in a morning.

Tuesday was ‘Family Day’, since we’re all off work / school / etc, we decided to at least do something since our plans never materialised. We got up at 6am ( 6am? I’m on holiday dammit, what the hell kinda thing is that to do to spring on me? )

Anyways, I’ll have to post about that next time, I’m ( as usual ) out of time, and my posts tend to creep up the wordage once I start on a subject.

 

[matt-the-gr7]

Beach Time

So, we got up early to head out to the beach, somewhere in Somerset I think, I’m still not exactly sure where we went. I was really tired, haven’t been getting much sleep lately ( ever ) and the hot weather hasn’t helped so I didn’t take much notice of where we were.

Got there at about 9am I think and browsed round the town a while, got something to eat, etc etc.

It was like 34°C ( That’s pretty damn hot for round here ) so there were a load of people with the same idea, plus the school holidays and all so it was kinda busy.

That being said, when we got there even with all those people there were disappointingly few beach-hotties. Okay so the beach is cool and all, but there is very little to do.

You can attempt to play some kinda beach sport, ( Any regular sport but on sand which makes it infinitely harder, but softer on the bones when you fall on your ass. )

You can go in the sea, which always seems a good idea at the time, but then you just end up wet, salty, covered in sand and freezing cold.

You can sit and bake, getting all golden brown and be the envy of your friends.
Note: This never happens; in my personal experience I go from pale, to red, to a slightly less pale. I don’t think I could ever once have been described as ‘golden brown’.

The one redeeming feature of visits to the beach is that it’s very calming, relaxing and peaceful, and will usually put me in a good mood especially on a nice day. Failing that, the good weather and beach usually brings with it a host of hot girls in few clothes.

Okay so I get they aren’t gonna pay any attention to the white dude in the tasteless shorts. I also accept that even if they did that my conversational skills would probably involve me going ‘Hey’ and then losing coherence as they stare in that way, as usually happens. Despite this I was still kinda disappointed at the scarcity of anyone in my age range, female, hot, or otherwise being there.

I guess it was probably too early ( still before 12, I think we stayed until about 2, maybe 2:30 ) and that they were all still asleep as I should have been. The only girl I met whilst there who caught my attention was pretty cool, but I think may have had either a gambling problem, or money to burn. One of those would be a good thing, the other a reason to attend evening help sessions every fortnight.

Anyways, after we left the beach we just did the touristy thing and visited the caves at Cheddar Gorge, I’ve been there before so I knew what to expect, but it was still very cool. The rest of the day we spent just going round the town and stuff, and trying to get off the right junction on the way back.

We went to my Uncle’s on the way back ( The one I mentioned a post or so back ) as it’s closer than home. We stayed the night, and then spent the day in the pub he owns. Back home now, so I thought I’d get updated.

Tomorrow I’m gonna try and go buy some of the stuff I mentioned before. Check the next post for my lame excuse on why it didn’t happen.

 

[matt-the-gr7]

Buying Stuff

Indulged in some retail therapy today ( brought stuff because I’m bored, for a temporary but satisfying fix ). Didn’t actually buy any of the useful or needed stuff I went for, but found some decent stuff that was on sale.

Brought a couple of videos ( I’m still not on the dvd-wagon, I think they’re cool and all, but I have too many videos and don’t want to change now. Plus it’s made videos dirt cheap to buy. ) that I found, ‘An American Werewolf In London’ and a double vid with ‘Desperado’ and ‘U-Turn’ on one. Both together came to £7.98 ( $12.95 ) which is pretty decent for three quality films.

Also got one of those ‘Magic Eight Balls’ that I’ve always thought were cool for £5.00 ( $8.09 ). So far it’s advised me to let my brother have the remote control and told me I’m never gonna fix the color thing on my computer. I get the feeling it’s not in a good place right now and has a pessimistic thing going on.

Brought some books too, two from a pair of series I’m reading through. Got back into my reading groove again lately.

On a side note, I caught a repeat run of Captain Scarlet on this week, and I have to admit I actually really like that show. I know he’s indestructible and all as it says in the theme tune, but why exactly? I mean is he a robot or did he get hit by some kind of super-empowering radiation, what? Anyone out there with the answer would be of help. It’s one of those things that bugs me. Plus I’m inquisitive and have a lot of time on my hands.
Dangermouse is cool too, caught that at like 2am as well.

 

[matt-the-gr7]

Color, and Freaky Head Hallucinations

I just like using the word 'Hallucinations'. Besides, 'Dreams' sounds less exciting.

Did totally nothing today, except . . . finally fixed the color on this damn hunk ‘o’ junk. I was up ‘till 1am the last two nights, and have been trying to sort it out for the past two months now. Then today after about five hours of searching the net, downloading stuff, and trying random shit that might or might not work I did it.

Yay me.

Now that I’ve finally got that sorted all my stuff looks cool again, I can tell green from yellow, I can watch the video files I’ve got, and I can use Paintshop that I managed to download thanks to a friend of mine. If you’re reading this, Cheers Dani muchos gracias.

On a side note I had this freaky dream the other night where this guy wanted to amputate the first half of my arm, bastard. Him and the hot scientist chick claimed ‘It’ll only hurt for ten minutes’.
Plus there was this other one with me, two mates and three girls my brain must’ve made up, and we all went to this weird sex party. Might have been a cool dream if it hadn’t ended with me getting blown off ( no, not in the good way ) and going home alone. Man, even in my own head I get shot down, my own subconscious is against me.

This hot weather’s making me dream some crazy shit lately.

Going to that birthday thing tomorrow, I think anyway unless I’ve got the date wrong, see how it goes. Hoping to go see ‘Hulk’ tomorrow too, I know everyone says it sucks, but hey I’m kind of a comic book geek.

 

[matt-the-gr7]

Me, on a downer.

Okay, lets start with what passes for news in my world.

Saturday, did nothing all day as we’re still all roasting in this heat, it saps the will to do anything other than laze around the house in your underwear. Being the weak willed and suggestible guy I am, I did this.

On the night, well more like evening, had to go to DoubleA’s sister’s birthday thing. Totally didn’t want to go at the time ‘cause it was way too hot and required me to put on restricting sweat-inducing clothes.

Actually had a decent time though, it cooled down after it got dark, and got talking to some cousin of DoubleA’s. That helped with the problem of me being there and not knowing a single damn person apart from the family. He wasn’t exactly the kind of person I’d normally choose to hang with, but beer solved the social awkwardness.

Beer, the great equalizer.

Today met up with DoubleA again to go see a film. ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ this time. I thought it was gonna bite, but it was actually really cool. Had to walk home though, Sunday, no buses.

There was like no one else around ( well not walking anyway, gave the feeling of seclusion ) and as normally happens when I’m on my own with nothing to distract me, or think about I start talking to myself, mostly in my head. Am I the only one that does this? When there’s no one else to talk to and you have nothing to do you just kinda start a running commentary in your head. I think I get bored too easily, Tv’s probably to blame. It gets blamed for most stuff.

Anyways, switching subjects entirely, there are many things that could or will depress me ( not major, woe is me depression, just that ‘ah hell’ feeling you get sometimes ). One of them is when I’m out somewhere, anywhere, and I notice the vast amount of beautiful girls. And the fact that I know almost for certain that few of them are noticing me, and are probably never going to talk to me, or get to know me.

Sometimes it seems a waste all the people that you see every day of your life, and the small handful that you actually get to know, talk to, and be with. I guess I’m just lonely at the moment, and looking for companionship.
I’ve got to that stage where I’m feeling like I want to be with someone, I’m not great at the whole dating thing, hell I’ve never got to try, and I think it’s time that I got somewhere on that front.

I know that last paragraph sounds really whiny and the like, but people are meant to have companionship and such, it’s a basic human need. I’m in a position at the moment where I’ve lost most of my friends as a lot of them I knew through college which I’ve finished, and lost touch. I’ve never been a very social person, so that’s left me with like a handful of people who I consider friends. I’ve never done the whole girlfriend thing either so I’m lacking there. Like I said before, I need to go out and do something about it, meet people, make new friends, etc.

Tune in next time to see how that goes. Yeah, k then.

 

[matt-the-gr7]

Can't keep her down

I was in town this once, dinnertime, sitting with some mates, and this oap man and woman were walking past. They see this other older woman that they obviously know, and this is how the ( pretty loud, hard to avoid ) greeting went.

F: Maureen!, How you doing?, I thought you were dead.
M: No, Not me Frank.
F: You been ill?.
M: Yea, but the it was only (some disease I don’t remember), the bugger’s ain’t got me yet.
F: Well, we gotta be going, got the shopping to do.
M: Bye Frank, have a good ‘un.
F: Bye Maureen, you’ll have to pop round, now that we know you’re still about.

- Just needed to share that with someone. My memory is intermittent at best, and I needed to write that down somewhere while I'm thinking of it, so that I make sure it doesn't get relegated to the dark nether regions of my head, where my more troublesome childhood memories, and recollections of past shame reside.