A mind lost within a self-erected chaos.

[PyroSama]

A mind traped within a self-erected chaos.

A mind lost within a self-erected chaos.


I question life daily, and daily life has questioned me: What is your purpose? – Do you contribute any thing substantially valuable to society? – Your friendships are few, and lesser even in quality. – Where do you fit in, no job, few friends, and even worse every attempt you make to better your way of life ends in failure.

As I am tempted by the offerings of the ultimate escape, I wallow in what is slowly developing into rock bottom. My fear is that I can only prolong the inevitable, with blood from my cuts to comfort me by night, and drugs by day. Life is progressively growing unbearably harder to stand. I fear the ultimate escape that I long to embraces.


Scott

 

[PyroSama]

With my return home I had dreamed of magnificent change, but slowly this dream faded to a nightmare, and as this nightmare took hold a new sick and twisted reality formed one so bound in chaos that I fear I may never escape. I bleed tears of comfort in hope of savior but my heart glows ever dimmer in my fight against the inevitable escape – DEATH

Scott

 

[PyroSama]

Today I was digging through my father’s old stuff and came across his .25 cal. He hasn’t lived with us for about a month and a half and I doubt he will come looking for it because it has been in the same place for about a year now. I fully loaded the clip and it is now concealed in an old lunch box that is used to store old computer parts. My family is afraid of any thing labeled computer parts out of fear of frying my precious 486 era parts… Well whatever works I guess.
The discovery of this handgun is just one step closer to the inevitable end. I have sensed a calling to my destiny and I have journeyed long and hard in my life for this but I am faced with the abyss, my abyss so deep so chaotic that even though it was self erected it is seemingly indestructible.

Scott

 

[PyroSama]

Today I had family therapy it didn’t go so well, my mother stated that she thinks I’m trying to use my “disorders” as an excuse to have problems. After therapy I took two 10mg tablets of cyclobenzaprine (a muscle relaxer) this knocked me out for about 3 hours. Along with a few other things: blurred vision, dizziness, and my neck became really stiff until I passed out. I found that escaping seems to be the easiest if not the best way to deal with life at this point. I’m trying to cope with my issues but I seem to be failing with every attempt. I will continue to try but I can make no promise that I will succeed, only that I will do my best not to give in to failure.


Scott