A losers diary

[burns1]

Burns 1 reconciliation services, for all your family needs.

Without going into too much detail, as it’s none of anyone’s business but theirs. A friend of mind has a brother who has been a problem to the family, to say the least.
In the end, the rest of the family felt that he needed to be left to his own devices because they couldn’t cope with his outbursts and anger anymore. He’s been in and out of custody and up in court more times than I can remember for fighting or drug related issues.
I ran in to him a few weeks ago and we got talking, he promised he’d been trying to change and was getting help and living in a settled environment and asked if I could try to persuade his family to see him. I said no, I wouldn’t try to do that, but I would pass on what I had seen and heard and that I could see he was trying, but I wasn’t going to ask them to see him, he’d have to do that himself.
As it turns out, they did, and although there is a lot of stuff that they need to work out, he is slowly working his way back into the family, and fighting his problems.
On Saturday, I ran into him, and he gave me a massive hug and said ‘thank you’. I told him that I hadn’t done anything apart from say what I’d seen and it was him who was making the changes that meant his family were able to see him.
He said ‘yeah, maybe, but you were the Catacomb’
I’m assuming he meant catalyst.

 

[burns1]

How much does the rest of the world hate the English Middle Class right now?

So, Kate & Gerry McCann are ‘100% confident’ in each other that neither of them killed their daughter.

Yeah, good luck with keeping us believing that guys.

So…um…all the while they were focussing their attentions on, the admittedly slightly odd, Robert Murat as their only suspect*, you were happy to stay in Portugal.

All the while they were searching for an alive Maddie, you were happy to stay in Portugal.

All the time you were getting to have private audiences with The Pope, you were happy to stay in Portugall.

All the time you had the entire world fooled and on your side, you were happy to stay in Portugal

But, then the rumours start. DNA in the hotel room, DNA in the car you hired 25 DAYS after she disappeared. The timings you gave the police don’t fit.

You know what, when you said ‘We actually want to face charges, we want to be able to prove our innocence in court and clear our names’ you almost had me believing you.

But then you made a mistake that leads me to think you may not be as innocent as you claim. It was only a tiny error, but I picked up on it, even if no one else did.

Shall I point it out to you, just so you don’t kick yourselves later.

The day after you were formally interviewed as potential suspects, you FLED BACK TO ENGLAND AND HIRED THE SAME LAWYER THAT SUCCESSFULLY PREVENTED GENERAL PINOCHET BEING EXTRADITED BACK TO CHILE AND STARTED TRYING TO ACCESS THE CHARITABLE FUND SET UP TO HELP WITH THE COSTS INVOLVED IN FINDING YOUR DAUGHTER TO PAY FOR HIM (WHILE SHOUTING FUCK YOU WORLD WHO BELIEVED US AND GAVE US ALL THIS MONEY**)

Remember folks, it ain’t just poor people that kill their kids.

*still waiting for the British press to recant their accusations about you being a killer peado, I assume?

**sorry, did I get that last bit wrong? I know you made a public statement but I couldn’t hear it properly, so I am just going on best guess now.

 

[burns1]

Will you still need me, will you still feed me when I kill 64?

So this Russian guy has gone on trial as the countries most prolific serial killer. He has been accused of killing at least 49 people. He himself has claimed he has killed 60.


From the BBC News website: "In his flat police are reported to have found a chessboard.

Russian press reports say Mr Pichushkin was planning to kill one person for each of its 64 squares"


Thank God they caught him in time...

 

[burns1]

Mr LA Actor type man, I must apologise…

I’m minding my own business on the train on the way to work this morning as we come into Gatwick Airport.

A guy gets on, sits across the aisle from me and says ‘oh, cool looking graphic novel man, what one is it?’
So I show him the cover (Day of Doom – Dan Jurgens, for anyone who cares) and we chat for a little bit about the possibly forthcoming ‘Justice League’ movie.

Then he asks me where Cardington Street, London, NW1 is.

I have no idea. So I suggest he buys an A-Z when he gets to the station, as it lists places by postcode in the back.

He thanks me profusely, and then we stop talking as other people get on and sit so that we’d have to talk across them.

It was only after I’d walked off when we arrived at our destination that three things dawned on me.

1) I work in NW1

2) Char and myself stayed in a hotel on Cardington Street last year.

3) I walk past it regularly and did so as recently as…oh…yesterday.

Me so stupid.

Sorry fella, hope it didn’t take you too long to find. I did back track to see if I could help you out, but you’d gone.

 

[burns1]

I could get used to this.

England 14, France 9.

We are in our second succesive world cup final.

Next Saturday, we might become the first team to win it twice in a row.

After 4 years of being pretty much useless and the worst world champions ever, this could be the comeback of all combacks.

And you know what? Even if we lose in the final, this has still been an impressive feat, from the team that lost 36-0 to South Africa just three weeks ago.

C'MON ENGLAND!

 

[burns1]

Melanie, I am REALLY sorry...

So, I went to an internet cafe today.

The person that was here before me forgot to log off her AIM.

Before anyone reads the rest of this, please know, that after it stops, that was the point where I owned up to not really being 'Sarah'.

I explained everything, and Melanie very kindly said that it was OK that I could share this.

Also, nothing I said as 'Sarah' seems to haver come as a shock to Melanie...
sarah says:

<DIR>Hey

</DIR>Melanie says:

<DIR>hey gorgeous!

</DIR>sarah says:

<DIR>how are you?#

</DIR>Melanie says:

<DIR>good! I'm here at Daves parents' house for the weekend

</DIR>Melanie says:

<DIR>how are you?

</DIR>sarah says:

<DIR>I'm good. Not up to much today. How's Dave?

</DIR>Melanie says:

<DIR>good, he's been working out in the middle of nowhere Illinois for a while, so it was nice to see him again!

</DIR>sarah says:

<DIR>Where's he been this time?

</DIR>Melanie says:

<DIR>Robinson, IL. Literally the middle of nowhere. Town of 5000 people. He hates it cos its so boring, but he's only there for another 2-3 weeks.

</DIR>Melanie says:

<DIR>are you back home now after your world travels?

</DIR>sarah says:

<DIR>Not yet

</DIR>sarah says:

<DIR>Will be back in a few weeks

</DIR>Melanie says:

<DIR>where are you?

</DIR>sarah says:

<DIR>London!

</DIR>Melanie says:

<DIR>cool!

</DIR>Melanie says:

<DIR>I was wondering why you were on at this time!

</DIR>sarah says:

<DIR>Time differences!

</DIR>sarah says:

<DIR>I just decided it would be a shame to come back and not visit England

</DIR>Melanie says:

<DIR>yeah, totally! who are you with? or are you off exploring by yourself?

</DIR>sarah says:

<DIR>Um...I met a boy.

</DIR>Melanie says:

<DIR>what!?!?!

</DIR>Melanie says:

<DIR>I thought you were still on girls!

</DIR><DIR>

</DIR>

 

[burns1]

Being Sarah. Part two

sarah says:


<DIR>I am mainly, but he's so sweet


</DIR>Melanie says:
Melanie says:


<DIR>you're hilarious!


</DIR>Melanie says:


<DIR>who is he and what's his name?


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>What can I say? British men are lovely


</DIR>Melanie says:


<DIR>and where did you meet?


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>He's called Sam. I met him once I got here. He seems really into me, so I gave him a chance


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>Hell, when I leave, it will be over, so I thought 'why not?'


</DIR>Melanie says:


<DIR>just like you!


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>I KNOW!!!!


</DIR>Melanie says:


<DIR>does he know that you're on the fence about boys and girls?


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>Yeah, I think he finds it exciting!


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>He called me a 'funky fence sitter'


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>lol!


</DIR>Melanie says:
Melanie says:


<DIR>well that sounds like fun!


</DIR>Melanie says:


<DIR>how long are you in London for?


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>indeed!


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>or 'blimey' as they say here!


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>2 or 3 weeks. I think


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>I can stay longer if I want


</DIR>Melanie says:


<DIR>what? did you quit or something? how on earth are you getting all this time off!


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>Yeah, I quit


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>I don't want to come back there


</DIR>Melanie says:


<DIR>wow! i didn't know that!


</DIR>Melanie says:


<DIR>what are you going to do back home?


</DIR>Melanie says:


<DIR>apply for the 2-year UK working visa?


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>I want to write.


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>I started keeping a new jouirnal, and I think I can make it into something good.


</DIR>Melanie says:


<DIR>you totally should! You're emails are HILARIOUS!


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>So are yours!!


</DIR>Melanie says:


<DIR>my dad is writing now too!


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>Really?


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>What about?


</DIR>Melanie says:


<DIR>he's writing scripts, novels and some Golf books (of course!)


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>Ha, of course!


</DIR>Melanie says:


<DIR>and a childrens book too


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>How to do golf for 5 yeR OLDS?


</DIR><DIR>
</DIR>

 

[burns1]

Being Sarah, this is threesome

Melanie says:

<DIR>yeah, probably!

</DIR>sarah says:

<DIR>oops, CAPS went wrong then!

</DIR>Melanie says:

<DIR>so what are you planning on writing about? like a non-fiction story on your crazy travels?

</DIR>sarah says:

<DIR>More like a semi-fiction thing.

</DIR>sarah says:

<DIR>I mean, it is true that I met Sam, but I want to make him seem REALLY English, you know?

</DIR>Melanie says:
Melanie says:

<DIR>love it

</DIR>sarah says:

<DIR>So I write about some of his friends too, and pretend it is all him

</DIR>sarah says:

<DIR>I will let you read it!

</DIR>Melanie says:

<DIR>well i am jealous, writing would be a great job. gives you flexibility and is fun

</DIR>Melanie says:

<DIR>i would LOVE to read it!

</DIR>Melanie says:

<DIR>I hope I get a signed copy when it is published!

</DIR>Melanie says:

<DIR>and if its about your travels you better get your butt over here so I can be IN your book!

</DIR>sarah says:

<DIR>Of course. As long as you come to the book signing and pay!

</DIR>sarah says:

<DIR>lol

</DIR>sarah says:

<DIR>I need at least one person to buy a copy!

</DIR>Melanie says:

<DIR>sure, I'll be the first!

</DIR>Melanie says:

<DIR>seriously your emails are hilarious!

</DIR>sarah says:

<DIR>Ha.

</DIR>sarah says:

<DIR>Thank you

</DIR>Melanie says:

<DIR>i often read them out to my co-workers. Not that they know who you are, but its just so funny!

</DIR>sarah says:

<DIR>Well, when I am published they will be happy to know they heard my stories first!

</DIR>Melanie says:
Melanie says:

<DIR>so is london your last stop?

</DIR>Melanie says:

<DIR>or is there more adventures ahead?

</DIR>sarah says:

<DIR>I need to go for 5 mins. Will you still be here when I get back?

</DIR>Melanie says:

<DIR>yep, i'm not doing anything

</DIR>sarah says:

<DIR>Cool.

</DIR>sarah says:

<DIR>BRB!

</DIR>sarah says:

<DIR>Hey, I'm back

</DIR>Melanie says:

<DIR>yay!

</DIR>sarah says:

<DIR>It's nice to speak to you!

</DIR>sarah says:

<DIR>Can I ask you some advice?

</DIR>sarah says:

<DIR>'for some advice' even!

</DIR>Melanie says:

<DIR>yes of course!

</DIR>Melanie says:

<DIR>its nice to speak to you too! I miss all you guys!

</DIR>sarah says:

<DIR>I think Sams sister goes 'my way'.

</DIR>sarah says:

<DIR>I think she likes me too

</DIR>sarah says:

<DIR>It would be rude to sleep with her, wouldn't it?

</DIR>sarah says:

<DIR>But, I am only here for a few weeks...

</DIR>Melanie says:

<DIR>oh jesus! typical...

</DIR><DIR>

</DIR>

 

[burns1]

Sarah goes forth

Melanie says:


<DIR>sarah, you're just too HOT!


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>YAY ME!


</DIR>Melanie says:
sarah says:


<DIR>She's REAL cute too!


</DIR>Melanie says:


<DIR>i love it, you always have some drama!


</DIR>Melanie says:


<DIR>i am sure she IS, but you're sleeping with her BROTHER!


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>Yeah, but in a few weeks time, I will probably never see either of them again


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>Should I just have fun?


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>Or should I do the right thing and ignore it?


</DIR>Melanie says:


<DIR>true... but you could always completely ruin the family...


</DIR>Melanie says:
sarah says:


<DIR>GOD, AM I GETTING SOME MORALS?? NOOOOO!


</DIR>Melanie says:


<DIR>hey, its all good... you'll be gone anyway!


</DIR>Melanie says:


<DIR>ha!


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>And I really think she's HOT!


</DIR>Melanie says:


<DIR>well, who knows, maybe Sam thinks thats hot, to have the chick he likes and his sister hook up...


</DIR>Melanie says:


<DIR>you know guys!


</DIR>Melanie says:


<DIR>they love that shit


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>Yeah, if it wasn't his SISTER I think he may be OK with it.


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>He'd probably like to watch


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>OH GOD! You don't think he'd still find it hot when its his sister, do you?


</DIR>Melanie says:


<DIR>well, he's male... that's definitely going to affect the answer...


</DIR>Melanie says:


<DIR>but I think he might find it intriguing, but not hot


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>Yeah, but that's incest.#


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>Even I have limits!


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>lol


</DIR>Melanie says:


<DIR>well not if he's INVOLVED


</DIR><DIR>
</DIR>

 

[burns1]

Parte The Fifthe

Melanie says:
<DIR>but i am sure he'd be jealous still.
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>and i am sure he's never been jealous of his sister like THAT before!
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>lol!
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>or maybe he has... if she leans that way...
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>EXACTLY!
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>I bet her girlfriends have been hotter than his!
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>maybe you should ask her whether she does lean that way...
</DIR>Melanie says:
sarah says:
<DIR>(except me, of course!)
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>of course!
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>She does. Trust me.
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>I can tell
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>how do you know... has she been seriously hitting on you!
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>The Gaydar is working!
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>well, who knows after you keep doing the ol' switcheroo!
</DIR>Melanie says:
sarah says:
<DIR>Yeah, but its all Bi the Bi!
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>haha!
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>well, i think you should have a crack at it, it sounds like you're far more interested in her than him!
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>although that is totally weird that you're meeting chicks through guys you like now...
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>Well, I need to get back to the honeypot eventually. All this cock I'm getting, and I still miss it!
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>just a bit of advice..don't know if its an entirely good idea to keep up this way of meeting girls...
</DIR>Melanie says:
sarah says:
<DIR>I think I like her more than I like him. He was just fun. But her...
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>you're terrible muriel
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>we really get on well
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>I am awful, aren't I?
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>sar, sar, sar...
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>yes, but its so much fun to hear about!
</DIR>

 

[burns1]

Intermission

Yeah, so, I got bored posting that.

I guess the rest is still to come. (Commit to the bit, no?)

But it will have to wait.

 

[burns1]

Lets talk about 6 baby

sarah says:
<DIR>It did not end well last time did it?#
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>which time?
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>you know!
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>everytime is a drama with you!!!
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>the wedding?
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>the time with Ilse?
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>the time with that chick you married???
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>which time?
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>All of them!
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>Ha
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>LOL
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>I like my drama, what can I say!#
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>I know! And I love hearing about it all!
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>he he.
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>no really, which time?
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>The wedding, obviously!
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>oh yeah!
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>Nevermind, probably best not to go over that ground again
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>wait... how many of david's friends' did you sleep with?
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>ha!
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>ALL OF THEM! LOL!
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>you're such a slut!
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>I know.
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>i have to say that I think at least Ryan was pretty impressed with himself
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>He should be!
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>oh, i soooo do not want to know details of having sex with ryan or dan!
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>i still see them regularly!
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>Ryan AND Dan!
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>Did they not tell you?
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>no, i think they think I don't want to know... which i don't from them! but you, i love hearing your goss!
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>Dan is slightly bigger than Ryan...
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>LOL
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>NO INTIMATE DETAILS!!!!
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>aghhhh!
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>Soz
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>I get carried away.
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>wait, didn't Eef sleep with Dan too?
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>Lets change the subject!
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>before...
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>I think so, yes
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>#Who cares
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>geesh, now you're all sharing
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>It's just sex
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>Yeah, sorry#
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>why don't you and eef have sex and close the circle
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>ha
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>Tell me what's going on with you
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>#
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>You & Dave OK?
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>yes of course!
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>we're planning on going to ireland in March with Dave's parents
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>see Eef of course!
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>Nice
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>Ha!
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>and her parents
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>I still think Eef is a silly name!
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>i hope they'll get dave's parents drunk
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>well AOIFE is a silly name too!
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>can't bloody spell over there
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>Touche!
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>I know. Bunch of twats!#
</DIR>Melanie says:
sarah says:
<DIR>You have no idea how much they love the Queen over here either.
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>I just don't get it!
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>me neither
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>I mean, who is she? She's just a person, right?
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>yeah, wearing fancy clothes and learning to do goofy waves
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>With that stupid husband!
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>hes a twit
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>And her gay son
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR> gee, you love the royal family, huh!
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>lol
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>You should see the fuss they are making about Diana still!
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>i bet!
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>so when are you coming back over to the states?
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>i am sure there are still some people over here you haven't slept with...
</DIR>

 

[burns1]

Lucky 7

sarah says:


<DIR>When can I stay with you?


</DIR>Melanie says:


<DIR>:0


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>Not many!


</DIR>Melanie says:
Melanie says:


<DIR>we would love to have you anytime!


</DIR>Melanie says:


<DIR>we have a spare room now!


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>Are you still at the same place?


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>Spare room? That will save me sleeping with Dave...


</DIR>Melanie says:
sarah says:


<DIR>(Joke!)


</DIR>Melanie says:


<DIR>same building, different apartment


</DIR>Melanie says:


<DIR>still in the old Chi-town


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>I think I am going to Miami when I come back!


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>I feel like a change.


</DIR>Melanie says:


<DIR>that's a change!


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>And they seem to like sluts there too...


</DIR>sarah says:


<DIR>lol


</DIR>Melanie says:


<DIR>yeah, so i hear!


</DIR>
<DIR>


</DIR><DIR>


</DIR>

 

[burns1]

Melanie says:


<DIR>oh, and know... i was there in college


</DIR><DIR>
</DIR><DIR>

</DIR>

 

[burns1]

Melanie says:



<DIR>oh, and know... i was there in college



</DIR>Melanie says:



<DIR>great place for a hook up



</DIR>sarah says:



<DIR>Oh yeah, I forgot!



</DIR>sarah says:



<DIR>I'm a great place for a hook up!



</DIR>Melanie says:



<DIR>that's true!



</DIR>sarah says:



<DIR>(OK, too much, I'll stop now)



</DIR>Melanie says:



<DIR>oh dear, what are we going to do with you!



</DIR>sarah says:



<DIR>Tie me up and spank me?



</DIR>Melanie says:



<DIR>well, not right now...



</DIR>sarah says:



<DIR>But when I visit...



</DIR>Melanie says:



<DIR>but seriously, you should come over!



</DIR>sarah says:



<DIR>I will



</DIR>sarah says:



<DIR>And you don't really have to spank me!



</DIR>Melanie says:



<DIR>now that you're freelancing...



</DIR>sarah says:



<DIR>Indeed



</DIR>Melanie says:



<DIR>when are you coming over?



</DIR>sarah says:



<DIR>Hmm...



</DIR>sarah says:



<DIR>I have an open ticket



</DIR>Melanie says:



<DIR>and where are you getting all this money to traipsing around



</DIR>sarah says:



<DIR>Buty I have to leave before 13 November



</DIR>Melanie says:



<DIR>what do you mean an open ticket? hmm



</DIR>sarah says:



<DIR>I sell my body!



</DIR>sarah says:



<DIR>(not really, but Sam does earn a lot...)#



</DIR>Melanie says:
sarah says:



<DIR>Open Ticket = valid until 13 November as long as I book my seat 48 hours in advance - Sam helped me pay for it. cos it's more expensive than normal)



</DIR>sarah says:



<DIR>But I could sell my body! They love me here!



</DIR>Melanie says:



<DIR>how long have you known sam?



</DIR>Melanie says:



<DIR>since hes helping you buy your ticket...



</DIR>sarah says:



<DIR>A few weeks, but...you know...



</DIR>Melanie says:



<DIR>is he more into you than you're into him???



</DIR>Melanie says:



<DIR>does he think this is more than this is?



</DIR>sarah says:



<DIR>He has been in to me!



</DIR>sarah says:



<DIR>Frequently



</DIR>sarah says:



<DIR>LOL



</DIR>Melanie says:



<DIR>sarah you mind is so far in the gutter!



</DIR>sarah says:



<DIR>He knows I normally go with girls, I so I hope he understands.



</DIR>sarah says:



<DIR>And you are telling me that when you are alone with Dave you don't think on gutter levels?



</DIR>Melanie says:



<DIR>well below gutter levels probably...



</DIR>sarah says:



<DIR>Ha



</DIR>sarah says:



<DIR>He's a lucky man!



</DIR>Melanie says:



<DIR>brb, i have to get the laundry,,,,



</DIR><DIR>

</DIR><DIR>


</DIR>

 

[burns1]

Melanie says:
<DIR>hold on
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>'k
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>don't be long!
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>i can't work out how to use dave's mom's dryer
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>i hope i didnt' break it!
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>oh well
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>I'm sure it's fine!
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>too bad really
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>they shouldn't have left me to do it!
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>exactly. Not your fault is it!
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>they're off playing tennis
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>So posh!
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>not really, dave sucks.
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>but his parents are pretty good
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>Ha
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>and daves younger brother just woke up and headed straight to the xbox
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>Did you ever read 'Overheard in New York'?
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>no...
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>Never mind
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>They love the Xbox here too
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>Sam is addicted
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>Apart from when I get naked...
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>THEN he stops playing!
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>LOL
</DIR>Melanie says:
Melanie says:
<DIR>i'm sure
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>so what are you doing over there during all your time
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>other than having a lot of sex
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>Seeing castles!
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>They have LOADS of them!
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>okayyyy
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>They get a bit boring actually#
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>not surprised
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>So I go to clubs
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>once you see one castle youve seen them all, right?
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>Exactly!
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>you go to clubs
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>Why do they care so much?
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>during the day?
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>Ha.
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>No
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>I spend a lot of the days in bed with Sam. He works from home a lot.
</DIR>Melanie says:
<DIR>what does he do
</DIR>sarah says:
<DIR>Melanie, can I tell you something?
</DIR>

 

[burns1]

Steve who?, Willie what? Oasish?

Steve Earle @ Shepard's Bush Empire, Willie Nelson in NYC, Oasis @ Wembley Stadium. Three of the best gigs I have ever been to.

Until last night.

The, almost certainly unheard of in America (they did support EMF on a US tour once in the early 90's) Carter The Unstoppable Sex Machine played a one off reunion/final show ever at the Brixton Academy last night and me and my oldest friend and fellow 1989 - 1995 15 time Carter gig goer managed to get tickets.

From the second they walked on stage to a voiceover saying 'for the last time ever, Carter The Unstoppable Sex Machine' to, two hours later,the final line of 'I'm a GI and I'm blue' delievered in a breaking, emotional voice to 3,000 grown men and women who were all in or nearly in tears, I witnessed the greatest gig I have ever seen and am ever likely to see.

Carter, Thank you SO MUCH for the memories. Thank you for for the t-shirts, thank you for the autographs, thank you for the beer Leslie, thank you for the music, the laughs, for knocking dickehead Philip Scholfield to his arse on live TV, thank you, thank you, thank you.

My 15 to 21 year old self would have had a poorer time without you.

Both my arms and legs
Are torn to shreds
My eyes are tired and grey
I've lost a stone
I'm just skin and bones
And when I come home today
Look away...look away
Turn your eyes to the children
I don't want you to see me this way
Because I'm all twisted and broken
I've started drinking
And chain smoking
And I don't speak anymore
Unless I'm spoken to
I'm a G.I. and i'm blue

Look away...look away
Turn your eyes to the children
I don't want you to see me this way

Look away John F. Kennedy
Look away Franklin D. Roosevelt
Look away George Washington
Thomas Jefferson and Brother Jonathon
Look away Bob Hope
Look away Uncle Sam
Look away Ronald Reagan
Look away Dixieland

Oh God I wish
I was in Dixie
In Dixie with you
I'm a G.I. and I'm blue

 

[burns1]

'England'

Still on a Carter trip:

I was born under a wandering star
in the second council house of virgo
Forceply removed from the belly of my ma
and raised on milk and pernod
So just lie back and think of England
Because I've slid down banisters
for judges and barristers
readers' wives' husbands
with toothless decay
I've been GBH'd and ABH'd
for a packet of B & H
I've been taken
and I've been driven away
I was fornicating
before I could read or write
and now I can't stop, sir
I graduated from the university of life
and the school of hard knocks, sir
And my telephone is always ringing
and my number is triple X directory
Call 0898 treble three
Talk dirty to me
Oh come all ye unfaithful
joyful, triumphant and pathetically weak
I've been Amsterdamned, reeperbahned
wham bam no thankyou mammed
If the spirit is willing
then the telephone's cheap
And if you want to step outside love
you can step outside love, with me
You can step outside with me
And if we ever meet again
Don't know where
and I don't care when
I'm gonna help you with your sickness like a Jehova's witness
you'll be born again
and again, and again
Just lie back, close your eyes
and think of England
and what England's done for me

 

[burns1]

I love Facebook

Facebook allows me to play scrabble(uous) with the hilarious and beautiful Lucy Porter.

I love Lucy Porter.

(also, I am quite fond of all you IRCers that are willing to play me at the game too, I promise)

 

[burns1]

So, THAT's why Pirates walk funny...

I just got back from another weekend in The Lake District. It's beautiful at this time of year, truly.

Some of the time this weekend was spent at the annual Dickension Christmas Festival. It's a pretty huge event, stalls, markets, fairground rides, parades, people dressing up, horse & carriage rides.

It was awesome.

And provided one of the funniest and/or most disturbing things I have seen in a long time. (I genuinely have mixed feelings about this)

I was watching some of the proceedings from my girlfriends front room, looking down onto the street. Standing on the corner is a youngish couple with a boy of about 4 or 5. He's dressed as a pirate, and they are manouvering him around to try to get him in the sight of the local newspapers photographer.

A bit pushy, I thought, but obviously they are proud of him, so why not. And he seems pretty happy, standing there in his little uniform, waving around his big black rubber sword...

...wait...

he's not waving that, it's twirling round on it's own.

and...surely not...it's vibrating.

And, thinking about it, why is it tubular, and why is the tip round and wider than the rest.

And why does it have that funny shorter bit curving out from the bottom?

It can't be, surely?

It is.

They've only given him a three foot black vibrating rubbder double penetration dildo as a sword.

No wonder they were so desperate to try to get his picture in the paper.
They are either brilliantly mischevious parents or a pair of deranged freaks.

As I said, I am not entirely decided which I think it is.

(Also, what kind of woman is able to utilise a three foot dildo? No, don't tell me, I'll only feel inadequate)