A losers diary
- Thread starter burns1
- Start date
self pity.
Great, I’ve been here five minutes and I’ve upset my boss already. Doesn’t bode well for the rest of the week. And CCFF is off sick so no moral support there. Dying to say exactly what I’ve done, but perhaps talking about work stuff in detail is not the best idea really. Suffice to say that I KNOW I am right this time, 100%, and it’s not often I am that confident in myself.
And I have a presentation to give in an hours time that I haven’t prepared. Or written. Or even thought about at all.
Arse.
Also slightly concerned about certain behaviours and the possibility of self incrimniation, which makes my weekend slightly difficult to put into context, but I have had such a miserable depressing weekend too, spent from 8.30 AM Saturday morning until well into the evening just sat around with CCFF (in the same mood for the same reason), managed to keep each other from wallowing too much, but as soon as we went or separate ways for the weekend I just sank faster than…(f**k it, too tired to think of anything funny to use)…just fast. As did she judging from or discussions yesterday. Feeling pretty low today still in all honesty, so this may not be the most cheery of journals until I shake myself out of it.
Yesterday was spent flat out on the settee drinking tea and watching Series 4 of The Sopranos and doing nothing else of any use whatsoever. So at the moment I am feeling basically that I have outlived my uselessness.
(God I shoehorned that last line in didn’t I?, I love that phrase, but my use of it really hasn’t done it justice)
Great, I’ve been here five minutes and I’ve upset my boss already. Doesn’t bode well for the rest of the week. And CCFF is off sick so no moral support there. Dying to say exactly what I’ve done, but perhaps talking about work stuff in detail is not the best idea really. Suffice to say that I KNOW I am right this time, 100%, and it’s not often I am that confident in myself.
And I have a presentation to give in an hours time that I haven’t prepared. Or written. Or even thought about at all.
Arse.
Also slightly concerned about certain behaviours and the possibility of self incrimniation, which makes my weekend slightly difficult to put into context, but I have had such a miserable depressing weekend too, spent from 8.30 AM Saturday morning until well into the evening just sat around with CCFF (in the same mood for the same reason), managed to keep each other from wallowing too much, but as soon as we went or separate ways for the weekend I just sank faster than…(f**k it, too tired to think of anything funny to use)…just fast. As did she judging from or discussions yesterday. Feeling pretty low today still in all honesty, so this may not be the most cheery of journals until I shake myself out of it.
Yesterday was spent flat out on the settee drinking tea and watching Series 4 of The Sopranos and doing nothing else of any use whatsoever. So at the moment I am feeling basically that I have outlived my uselessness.
(God I shoehorned that last line in didn’t I?, I love that phrase, but my use of it really hasn’t done it justice)
Tell me why I don't like MOndays
Nothing I like better on a Monday when I’m in this sort of mood than a meeting from 10.30 until 4.30…that’s just set me up lovely for another evening of being too tired and too pissed off to do anything. Fantastic. Can’t even be bothered to go and see CCFF to make sure she’s OK today, which must give an indication of my lethargy.
And I have just started itching all over and have a pale (barely visible, luckily) rash on my head, neck, chest and arms. So the women I work with are now hassling me to show them my chest. I think that’s grounds for a sexual harassment suit, but as I’m enjoying the attention I won’t bother complaining. Could be quite good though, if I have an illness that doesn’t make me feel ill but lets me have time off work.
Oh, and I’m reduced to smoking pikey roll-ups until this bloody expense claim clears, like some bloody prisoner (cos all prisoners smoke roll ups, it’s the law).
*Crosses fingers and prays the money is in the account by morning.*
Nothing I like better on a Monday when I’m in this sort of mood than a meeting from 10.30 until 4.30…that’s just set me up lovely for another evening of being too tired and too pissed off to do anything. Fantastic. Can’t even be bothered to go and see CCFF to make sure she’s OK today, which must give an indication of my lethargy.
And I have just started itching all over and have a pale (barely visible, luckily) rash on my head, neck, chest and arms. So the women I work with are now hassling me to show them my chest. I think that’s grounds for a sexual harassment suit, but as I’m enjoying the attention I won’t bother complaining. Could be quite good though, if I have an illness that doesn’t make me feel ill but lets me have time off work.
Oh, and I’m reduced to smoking pikey roll-ups until this bloody expense claim clears, like some bloody prisoner (cos all prisoners smoke roll ups, it’s the law).
*Crosses fingers and prays the money is in the account by morning.*
recurring themes
Great, just bloody great, they fucked up my expense claim and paid it to a non existent account. Now I have to wait for it to be rejected before they will pay it out again…wtf? So I starve to death, can’t smoke and can’t afford to go out with CCFF on Friday or buy my poor long suffering Mother a birthday present for Sunday (or even afford the bloody train fair to get to her at the moment) just because our accounts dept are morons?
Actually, not going out with CCFF on Friday may be no bad thing, shouldn’t really do the whole Valentines thing anyway with her I suppose. Just be setting myself up to fall from an even greater height if I do that really. And no, despite the good and accurate and in my heart I know correct advice that I have had from some of you, I still haven’t spoken to her about it. To be honest, I don’t think I need to anymore, it’s become fairly obvious that the time and opportunity has well and truly past now I think, so it’s just going to be unrequited love from now on presumably. I know that I really ought to start getting out and about with other people, and go to new places instead of just spending all this time with her, meet some new people and get out on a few dates and stuff, but that all seems fairly pointless all the time I know that I’d drop someone new in a heartbeat to be with her. It can’t be good for her either can it? She can’t meet anyone new all the time she spends every weekend and a fair chunk of the week with me. Even if either of us did, we’re not likely to find anyone with enough patience of faith in themselves to put up with us carrying on like this.
Damn! I really don’t mean to keep going on about this, but I just can’t seem to help myself.
Need to think of something else to write about. There must be something, I’m sure when I started this journal there were other things occupying my mind.
At the moment all it seems to be is love life (lack of) and money (lack off). God, what a catch I will make some lucky woman one day, a skint man in love with someone else. Form a queue now…
Great, just bloody great, they fucked up my expense claim and paid it to a non existent account. Now I have to wait for it to be rejected before they will pay it out again…wtf? So I starve to death, can’t smoke and can’t afford to go out with CCFF on Friday or buy my poor long suffering Mother a birthday present for Sunday (or even afford the bloody train fair to get to her at the moment) just because our accounts dept are morons?
Actually, not going out with CCFF on Friday may be no bad thing, shouldn’t really do the whole Valentines thing anyway with her I suppose. Just be setting myself up to fall from an even greater height if I do that really. And no, despite the good and accurate and in my heart I know correct advice that I have had from some of you, I still haven’t spoken to her about it. To be honest, I don’t think I need to anymore, it’s become fairly obvious that the time and opportunity has well and truly past now I think, so it’s just going to be unrequited love from now on presumably. I know that I really ought to start getting out and about with other people, and go to new places instead of just spending all this time with her, meet some new people and get out on a few dates and stuff, but that all seems fairly pointless all the time I know that I’d drop someone new in a heartbeat to be with her. It can’t be good for her either can it? She can’t meet anyone new all the time she spends every weekend and a fair chunk of the week with me. Even if either of us did, we’re not likely to find anyone with enough patience of faith in themselves to put up with us carrying on like this.
Damn! I really don’t mean to keep going on about this, but I just can’t seem to help myself.
Need to think of something else to write about. There must be something, I’m sure when I started this journal there were other things occupying my mind.
At the moment all it seems to be is love life (lack of) and money (lack off). God, what a catch I will make some lucky woman one day, a skint man in love with someone else. Form a queue now…
Good people
Good People:
‘Zimbabwe pressure group Organised Resistance has hailed Henry Olonga and Andy Flower after the pair's protest against Robert Mugabe's regime during the World Cup clash with Namibia.
Olonga and Flower wore black armbands during the Harare match to mourn "the death of democracy" in their country.
A statement read: "Organised Resistance joins hundreds of thousands of Zimbabweans in congratulating Andy Flower and Henry Olonga on their courageous stance.
"They will become role models to thousands of Zimbabweans working hard to restore democracy and peace in Zimbabwe."
Both players' international futures must now be in doubt, especially after fast bowler Olonga was suspended by his club Takashinga on Monday night.
Olonga and leading batsman Flower signed a statement, which was released to the media and the other Zimbabwe players just before the start of the match against Namibia at Harare Sports Club.
It read: "We are deeply distressed about what is taking place in Zimbabwe in the midst of the World Cup and do not feel that we can take the field without indicating our feelings in a dignified manner and in keeping with the spirit of cricket.
"We cannot in good conscience take to the field and ignore the fact that millions of our compatriots are starving, unemployed and oppressed.
"We are aware that hundreds of thousands of Zimbabweans may even die in the coming months through a combination of starvation, poverty and Aids.
"Although we are just professional cricketers, we do have a conscience and feelings.
"We believe that if we remain silent that will be taken as a sign that either we do not care or we condone what is happening in Zimbabwe. We believe that it is important to stand up for what is right."
The Zimbabwe Cricket Union (ZCU) have set up a disciplinary committee to look into the matter.’
Basically, they have risked their careers, and it’s no exaggeration to say their lives to make a stand (it is worth noting that the head of the ZCU is Robert Mugabe...), so
To steal and paraphrase:
Congrats, you’re good people.
Good People:
‘Zimbabwe pressure group Organised Resistance has hailed Henry Olonga and Andy Flower after the pair's protest against Robert Mugabe's regime during the World Cup clash with Namibia.
Olonga and Flower wore black armbands during the Harare match to mourn "the death of democracy" in their country.
A statement read: "Organised Resistance joins hundreds of thousands of Zimbabweans in congratulating Andy Flower and Henry Olonga on their courageous stance.
"They will become role models to thousands of Zimbabweans working hard to restore democracy and peace in Zimbabwe."
Both players' international futures must now be in doubt, especially after fast bowler Olonga was suspended by his club Takashinga on Monday night.
Olonga and leading batsman Flower signed a statement, which was released to the media and the other Zimbabwe players just before the start of the match against Namibia at Harare Sports Club.
It read: "We are deeply distressed about what is taking place in Zimbabwe in the midst of the World Cup and do not feel that we can take the field without indicating our feelings in a dignified manner and in keeping with the spirit of cricket.
"We cannot in good conscience take to the field and ignore the fact that millions of our compatriots are starving, unemployed and oppressed.
"We are aware that hundreds of thousands of Zimbabweans may even die in the coming months through a combination of starvation, poverty and Aids.
"Although we are just professional cricketers, we do have a conscience and feelings.
"We believe that if we remain silent that will be taken as a sign that either we do not care or we condone what is happening in Zimbabwe. We believe that it is important to stand up for what is right."
The Zimbabwe Cricket Union (ZCU) have set up a disciplinary committee to look into the matter.’
Basically, they have risked their careers, and it’s no exaggeration to say their lives to make a stand (it is worth noting that the head of the ZCU is Robert Mugabe...), so
To steal and paraphrase:
Congrats, you’re good people.
Well said Harry
Saw CCFF last night, as she hasn’t been well. Sat around chatting and listening to music and decided to dust off an old Nillson CD. Suddenly I was listening to a song that had long dismissed itself from my memory but now seems the most appropriate song for this situation that I’ve heard in ages (and surprisingly I wasn’t moping about listening to ‘Without you’, although that is the obvious first thought):
You're breakin' my heart
You're tearin' it apart
So fuck you
All I want to do
Is have a good time
Now I'm blue
You wanna boogaloo
Run down to Tramps
Have a dance or two--ooh!
You're breaking my heart
You're tearin' it apart
But fuck you
You're breakin' my heart
You're tearin' it apart
Ooh!--ooh!—
You stepped on my ass
You're breaking my glasses too
You wanna drive my car
Buy a lot of stuff
I've had enough
Of you--ooh!
I'm goin' insane
There's no one to blame
So fuck you
You've gotta have your way
There's nothin' left to say
There's nothin' left to do--ooh!
You're breakin' my heart
You're tearin' it apart
So fuck you
You've gotta have your way T
here's nothin' left to say T
here's nothin' left to do--ooh!
You're breakin' my heart
You're tearin' it apart
But I love you (Do-do-doots)
Saw CCFF last night, as she hasn’t been well. Sat around chatting and listening to music and decided to dust off an old Nillson CD. Suddenly I was listening to a song that had long dismissed itself from my memory but now seems the most appropriate song for this situation that I’ve heard in ages (and surprisingly I wasn’t moping about listening to ‘Without you’, although that is the obvious first thought):
You're breakin' my heart
You're tearin' it apart
So fuck you
All I want to do
Is have a good time
Now I'm blue
You wanna boogaloo
Run down to Tramps
Have a dance or two--ooh!
You're breaking my heart
You're tearin' it apart
But fuck you
You're breakin' my heart
You're tearin' it apart
Ooh!--ooh!—
You stepped on my ass
You're breaking my glasses too
You wanna drive my car
Buy a lot of stuff
I've had enough
Of you--ooh!
I'm goin' insane
There's no one to blame
So fuck you
You've gotta have your way
There's nothin' left to say
There's nothin' left to do--ooh!
You're breakin' my heart
You're tearin' it apart
So fuck you
You've gotta have your way T
here's nothin' left to say T
here's nothin' left to do--ooh!
You're breakin' my heart
You're tearin' it apart
But I love you (Do-do-doots)
Why do I treat me so bad?
I have a knack with women, I really do, it may not be obvious, but getting off the starting block is relatively easy for me. The date girl that I blew out ages ago is still hanging around and still keen, as I discovered today when I had to snag a ciggy off her to ease my stress levels, a friend of CCFF’s was all over me on Friday night, but really is not my type, a girl I haven’t seen in 10 years has started emailing me and hassling me to get together with her (no doubt has split up with a boyfriend or something, knowing her). So why do I insist on being so bloody hung up on CCFF?
OK, so my track record shows that long term I’m a bit of a disaster, but I’m a fun date for a few weeks/months. I’m not bad looking, I can be funny, I can be charming, I’m considerate, I’m generous and I am a good f**k (not meaning to blow my own trumpet, although that’d be a good trick in itself, but when you’re told by a friend that their friend has said that the bloke they slept with last night is the best sex they’ve ever had because they don’t know that that ‘bloke’ happened to be you, you tend to want to believe these things)* . Then I get a) bored, b) poor or c) drunk and it all goes to hell, but I don’t need to be self inflicted celibate and loveless.
Do you think the fact that it’s valentines night coming up and I’m going to be sat in on my own watching crap TV and drinking excessive amounts of Gin is beginning to play on my mind?
Bloody expenses fuck up, I think I’d just say fuck it to the whole CCFF thing and take date girl out if I had any money at the moment. Apparently all she’d want from me is a dozen red roses and anal sex (her words, not mine!), so it could be quite a fun night.
In fact, ignore the word ‘quite’.
*apologies for that sentence being so convoluted, but it’s not easy trying to claim to be good in bed and sound modest at the same time!
PS: OK, I have just has a PM in response to this post. I am in danger of developing a severe crush on someone out there. At least it’s distracting me from CCFF .
I have a knack with women, I really do, it may not be obvious, but getting off the starting block is relatively easy for me. The date girl that I blew out ages ago is still hanging around and still keen, as I discovered today when I had to snag a ciggy off her to ease my stress levels, a friend of CCFF’s was all over me on Friday night, but really is not my type, a girl I haven’t seen in 10 years has started emailing me and hassling me to get together with her (no doubt has split up with a boyfriend or something, knowing her). So why do I insist on being so bloody hung up on CCFF?
OK, so my track record shows that long term I’m a bit of a disaster, but I’m a fun date for a few weeks/months. I’m not bad looking, I can be funny, I can be charming, I’m considerate, I’m generous and I am a good f**k (not meaning to blow my own trumpet, although that’d be a good trick in itself, but when you’re told by a friend that their friend has said that the bloke they slept with last night is the best sex they’ve ever had because they don’t know that that ‘bloke’ happened to be you, you tend to want to believe these things)* . Then I get a) bored, b) poor or c) drunk and it all goes to hell, but I don’t need to be self inflicted celibate and loveless.
Do you think the fact that it’s valentines night coming up and I’m going to be sat in on my own watching crap TV and drinking excessive amounts of Gin is beginning to play on my mind?
Bloody expenses fuck up, I think I’d just say fuck it to the whole CCFF thing and take date girl out if I had any money at the moment. Apparently all she’d want from me is a dozen red roses and anal sex (her words, not mine!), so it could be quite a fun night.
In fact, ignore the word ‘quite’.
*apologies for that sentence being so convoluted, but it’s not easy trying to claim to be good in bed and sound modest at the same time!
PS: OK, I have just has a PM in response to this post. I am in danger of developing a severe crush on someone out there. At least it’s distracting me from CCFF .
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What took me so long?
I’ve haven’t had a ‘recently I discovered the genius of…’ post for a while, but today I feel compelled to create one, because Sugar Snit is fully deserving of one. It will take a while to read (I’m still in October), but if you don’t already, then do.
This is not a fair representation of the main content (well, in some ways it is actually, because it’s so damn funny) but I love this entry so so much:
‘Edited b/c I'm a moron and spelled Kerouac incorrectly. But that's ok- b/c I once had a dog named Nietzsche, but I mispelled it Neitzsche. Then, when people would tell me, "You mispelled your dog's name" I'd say, "No I didn't. I mispelled Nietzsche's name. Her name is correct."’
Actually tempted to rename my cat, just so I can steal the line. But then again ‘Otis’ is a difficult name to misspell.
I’ve haven’t had a ‘recently I discovered the genius of…’ post for a while, but today I feel compelled to create one, because Sugar Snit is fully deserving of one. It will take a while to read (I’m still in October), but if you don’t already, then do.
This is not a fair representation of the main content (well, in some ways it is actually, because it’s so damn funny) but I love this entry so so much:
‘Edited b/c I'm a moron and spelled Kerouac incorrectly. But that's ok- b/c I once had a dog named Nietzsche, but I mispelled it Neitzsche. Then, when people would tell me, "You mispelled your dog's name" I'd say, "No I didn't. I mispelled Nietzsche's name. Her name is correct."’
Actually tempted to rename my cat, just so I can steal the line. But then again ‘Otis’ is a difficult name to misspell.
Rich again...
I have money!!!!! It finally came through
I swear I am having a party in my head…the only thing is I am being pathetic again and spending tomorrow night with CCFF now and not with the other, oh so more promising sounding, option. Damn fool boy that I am.
But at least I’ve escaped from a night of Gin and melancholy.
Also, I am feeling very big headed today, as I have been sent some very flattering emails and PMs following on from yesterdays post, some of you sure know how to make a man feel good about himself…
Which I really need today actually, after yesterdays football result – England 1 Australia 3. For the love of god, isn’t it enough that they are better than us at tennis, cricket and (usually) rugby, can’t we just have one bloody sport that we can beat them in? Is that really too much to ask. Would be bad enough at the best of times, but for it to happen during the week that we’ve got an Aussie sleeping on our settee (do any of them actually have their own places or do they all just live on people floors??) is just taking the piss.
I have money!!!!! It finally came through
I swear I am having a party in my head…the only thing is I am being pathetic again and spending tomorrow night with CCFF now and not with the other, oh so more promising sounding, option. Damn fool boy that I am.
But at least I’ve escaped from a night of Gin and melancholy.
Also, I am feeling very big headed today, as I have been sent some very flattering emails and PMs following on from yesterdays post, some of you sure know how to make a man feel good about himself…
Which I really need today actually, after yesterdays football result – England 1 Australia 3. For the love of god, isn’t it enough that they are better than us at tennis, cricket and (usually) rugby, can’t we just have one bloody sport that we can beat them in? Is that really too much to ask. Would be bad enough at the best of times, but for it to happen during the week that we’ve got an Aussie sleeping on our settee (do any of them actually have their own places or do they all just live on people floors??) is just taking the piss.
It ain't gonna work
Tanks and soldiers at Heathrow Airport, government ministers suddenly announcing that we are preparing for an event of September 11th type proportions, underground stations with armed guards searching everyone who enters, claims of tapes of Osama urging people to support Saddam.
All in the past 48 hours.
Tony, George, we will NOT be propaganda’d into backing this war.
Tanks and soldiers at Heathrow Airport, government ministers suddenly announcing that we are preparing for an event of September 11th type proportions, underground stations with armed guards searching everyone who enters, claims of tapes of Osama urging people to support Saddam.
All in the past 48 hours.
Tony, George, we will NOT be propaganda’d into backing this war.
odd feelings
So, here it is, Valentines Day…a night with CCFF, my pseudo girlfriend (all the hassle, none of the fun!). I’m strangely nervous, which given how many nights we spend together each week is weird, but I just have a feeling that it is going to be odd. I don’t think we’ll get through the evening without some sort of ‘event’. I have to say I am not planning on doing anything drastic, I have thought a lot about the advice people out there have been giving me, and in my typical obstinate way I have pretty much decided to ignore it all. But that doesn’t mean that once we’re sat having dinner and on our second glass of wine I won’t suddenly blurt out something that I will end up regretting, hence the nerves.
The chocolates and baby oil went well though, a huge laugh, a big hug and a huge kiss on the cheek. Probably allowing that to happen in front of CCFF wasn’t the wisest move I’ve ever made, but never mind. I enjoyed it.
Point of note: I do not and never have owned a sombrero!
(how obscure is that to everyone except one person???)
My only valentine (so far, it’s still early and I do miss the postman in the mornings, so I can live in false hope a little longer) came from the other side of the world. Made me smile though, so thank you!
So, here it is, Valentines Day…a night with CCFF, my pseudo girlfriend (all the hassle, none of the fun!). I’m strangely nervous, which given how many nights we spend together each week is weird, but I just have a feeling that it is going to be odd. I don’t think we’ll get through the evening without some sort of ‘event’. I have to say I am not planning on doing anything drastic, I have thought a lot about the advice people out there have been giving me, and in my typical obstinate way I have pretty much decided to ignore it all. But that doesn’t mean that once we’re sat having dinner and on our second glass of wine I won’t suddenly blurt out something that I will end up regretting, hence the nerves.
The chocolates and baby oil went well though, a huge laugh, a big hug and a huge kiss on the cheek. Probably allowing that to happen in front of CCFF wasn’t the wisest move I’ve ever made, but never mind. I enjoyed it.
Point of note: I do not and never have owned a sombrero!
(how obscure is that to everyone except one person???)
My only valentine (so far, it’s still early and I do miss the postman in the mornings, so I can live in false hope a little longer) came from the other side of the world. Made me smile though, so thank you!
The Ghosts of Valentines Past
Valentines day has often proved interesting for me in the past, a few examples:
The getting rumbled in the ‘T’/’L’ situation actually happened on Valentines weekend. I know I should have said that before, but be honest, I don’t come out of that story well as it is, I wasn’t about to highlight just how much more of a bastard I was being at the time.
When I was in the 6th form my then girlfriend caught me buying three valentines cards at the same time. Awkward moments obviously. I managed to convince her that she should wait and see why, and ended up having to make sure there was a card and gift waiting for her in each of her classes that day. I was actually quite proud of the recovery (and looking back, I actually think that is quite romantic for a 17 year old, even if it was by default), until at the end of the day she asked me what had happened to the black and gold one she’s seen me buying. I’m not sure she was convinced by the ‘I lost it somewhere line’. Particularly when she saw it sticking out of another girls bag on the bus at the end of the day. ‘They don’t only make one of each card you know’ was less convincing than ‘I lost it somewhere’ with hindsight.
University Valentines Ball, got caught making out with the best friend of a girl that I had been pursuing for weeks with no success at all. Only then does she decide to tell me that she thought we were ‘going somewhere’ with this. Neither of them ever really spoke to me again.
I also just realised that I could never get away with using the phrase ‘making out’ among my british friends. It just doesn’t get used here at all. Neither does that other fantastically descriptive Americanism ‘hooking up’. We use crap things like ‘snogging’ or ‘getting off with’. They sound so childish though.
Valentines day has often proved interesting for me in the past, a few examples:
The getting rumbled in the ‘T’/’L’ situation actually happened on Valentines weekend. I know I should have said that before, but be honest, I don’t come out of that story well as it is, I wasn’t about to highlight just how much more of a bastard I was being at the time.
When I was in the 6th form my then girlfriend caught me buying three valentines cards at the same time. Awkward moments obviously. I managed to convince her that she should wait and see why, and ended up having to make sure there was a card and gift waiting for her in each of her classes that day. I was actually quite proud of the recovery (and looking back, I actually think that is quite romantic for a 17 year old, even if it was by default), until at the end of the day she asked me what had happened to the black and gold one she’s seen me buying. I’m not sure she was convinced by the ‘I lost it somewhere line’. Particularly when she saw it sticking out of another girls bag on the bus at the end of the day. ‘They don’t only make one of each card you know’ was less convincing than ‘I lost it somewhere’ with hindsight.
University Valentines Ball, got caught making out with the best friend of a girl that I had been pursuing for weeks with no success at all. Only then does she decide to tell me that she thought we were ‘going somewhere’ with this. Neither of them ever really spoke to me again.
I also just realised that I could never get away with using the phrase ‘making out’ among my british friends. It just doesn’t get used here at all. Neither does that other fantastically descriptive Americanism ‘hooking up’. We use crap things like ‘snogging’ or ‘getting off with’. They sound so childish though.
Must get myself back under control
OK, somebody stop me. I am sat here at the moment, just me and the (admittedly quite sexy) married 42 year old woman in our team and I am flirting with her. What is wrong with me? Is it not enough for me that I am head over heels in love with a woman that doesn’t seem to know what the hell she wants from anything in her life at the moment, do I have to go and add to my woes by coming on to a married woman in the middle of the office?
What a twat.
OK, somebody stop me. I am sat here at the moment, just me and the (admittedly quite sexy) married 42 year old woman in our team and I am flirting with her. What is wrong with me? Is it not enough for me that I am head over heels in love with a woman that doesn’t seem to know what the hell she wants from anything in her life at the moment, do I have to go and add to my woes by coming on to a married woman in the middle of the office?
What a twat.
CCFF: In case anyone is wondering
Can’t see it ever happening now.
I Don't Want to Get Over You
I don't want to get over you
I guess I could take a sleeping pill
and sleep at will
and not have to go through
what I go through
I guess I should take Prozac, right,
and just smile all night
at somebody new
Somebody not too bright
but sweet and kind
who would try to get you off my mind
I could leave this agony behind
which is just what I'd do
if I wanted to
but I don't want to get over you
cause I don't want to get over love
I could listen to my therapist,
pretend you don't exist,
and not have to dream of
what I dream of
I could listen to all my friends
and go out again
and pretend it's enough
or I could make a career of being blue
I could dress in black and read Camus
smoke clove cigarettes and drink vermouth
like I was 17
that would be a scream
but I don't want to get over you
Can’t see it ever happening now.
I Don't Want to Get Over You
I don't want to get over you
I guess I could take a sleeping pill
and sleep at will
and not have to go through
what I go through
I guess I should take Prozac, right,
and just smile all night
at somebody new
Somebody not too bright
but sweet and kind
who would try to get you off my mind
I could leave this agony behind
which is just what I'd do
if I wanted to
but I don't want to get over you
cause I don't want to get over love
I could listen to my therapist,
pretend you don't exist,
and not have to dream of
what I dream of
I could listen to all my friends
and go out again
and pretend it's enough
or I could make a career of being blue
I could dress in black and read Camus
smoke clove cigarettes and drink vermouth
like I was 17
that would be a scream
but I don't want to get over you
Friday
Well, we were planning dinner and drinks, nothing too heavy, nothing to ‘coupley’ but still a bit different from a Friday night in the pub.
Seemed like a good enough plan, but slightly scuppered by the fact that at 5 to 5 a friend and colleague suddenly found out that he is going to be an (unplanned) Father and decided to drag a few of us off to the pub for some Dutch Courage before he went home to face his other half. Still, two pints later, still not a huge problem. Everyone leaves and we’re sat there finishing up ready to go eat when another couple of people we know come in and start making all ‘we knew you two were up to something’ type comments. Sat down and bought us another drink each and then went on their way, before we were gatecrashed by three single female friends of ours, and another beer each.
Dinner is now out of the question, and we are getting too fed up and pressurised by all the ‘lovely couple’ and ‘we knew it’ type comments that are coming thick and fast. Eventually we make our excuses and leave and end up just the two of us in another bar, but by now the atmosphere has changed and we’re both feeling very uncomfortable in each others company, something that has never happened before. So she said ‘fuck it, lets get pissed’. So we did, spectacularly so.
The rest of the evening is fairly hazy apart from one major event.
She’s got some new fuck buddy on the go.
Great stuff huh? I handled this with a surprising amount of maturity and constraint actually. Although how could I not when the news was broken in the following manner:
Her: (nearly in tears of depression) ‘No one is ever going to love me enough to cope with the way I am, not even you. I’m reduced to fucking (West Country Twat) and I don’t even like him, it’s just a distraction. I’m whoring myself so I don’t feel so lonely’
Me: (trying very hard not to be physically sick and slit my wrists). I do love you enough
Her: (ignoring me): Why am I doing this?
And so on.
The night ended pretty soon afterwards, funnily enough, and she went home to bed and I sat in her lounge and drank half a bottle of vodka, straight. Out of the bottle. (clearly my maturity and constraint didn’t extend as far as coping with this news after I didn’t have to comfort her).
I’m so angry though. Not with her. But with the injustice of it all, some cunt from miles away that she’s only met once came all the way up here just to fuck her and leave again, she doesn’t care about him, she ends up feeling all shitty about herself and I sit here, head over heels in love with her watching him take the piss and her feel bad and me just wanting to take her away and make it better and yet knowing that I can’t.
There is more of the weekend to come I’m afraid, because believe me, Saturday was worse.
Well, we were planning dinner and drinks, nothing too heavy, nothing to ‘coupley’ but still a bit different from a Friday night in the pub.
Seemed like a good enough plan, but slightly scuppered by the fact that at 5 to 5 a friend and colleague suddenly found out that he is going to be an (unplanned) Father and decided to drag a few of us off to the pub for some Dutch Courage before he went home to face his other half. Still, two pints later, still not a huge problem. Everyone leaves and we’re sat there finishing up ready to go eat when another couple of people we know come in and start making all ‘we knew you two were up to something’ type comments. Sat down and bought us another drink each and then went on their way, before we were gatecrashed by three single female friends of ours, and another beer each.
Dinner is now out of the question, and we are getting too fed up and pressurised by all the ‘lovely couple’ and ‘we knew it’ type comments that are coming thick and fast. Eventually we make our excuses and leave and end up just the two of us in another bar, but by now the atmosphere has changed and we’re both feeling very uncomfortable in each others company, something that has never happened before. So she said ‘fuck it, lets get pissed’. So we did, spectacularly so.
The rest of the evening is fairly hazy apart from one major event.
She’s got some new fuck buddy on the go.
Great stuff huh? I handled this with a surprising amount of maturity and constraint actually. Although how could I not when the news was broken in the following manner:
Her: (nearly in tears of depression) ‘No one is ever going to love me enough to cope with the way I am, not even you. I’m reduced to fucking (West Country Twat) and I don’t even like him, it’s just a distraction. I’m whoring myself so I don’t feel so lonely’
Me: (trying very hard not to be physically sick and slit my wrists). I do love you enough
Her: (ignoring me): Why am I doing this?
And so on.
The night ended pretty soon afterwards, funnily enough, and she went home to bed and I sat in her lounge and drank half a bottle of vodka, straight. Out of the bottle. (clearly my maturity and constraint didn’t extend as far as coping with this news after I didn’t have to comfort her).
I’m so angry though. Not with her. But with the injustice of it all, some cunt from miles away that she’s only met once came all the way up here just to fuck her and leave again, she doesn’t care about him, she ends up feeling all shitty about herself and I sit here, head over heels in love with her watching him take the piss and her feel bad and me just wanting to take her away and make it better and yet knowing that I can’t.
There is more of the weekend to come I’m afraid, because believe me, Saturday was worse.