Hotter than a 100 suns
Today was the first really hot day since summer. I made the
mistake of thinking today would be a good day to go swimming
again. The pool was packed, even at 8pm. I swam 300m
before giving up and leaving early.
I love swimming. Immersing myself in cool water and gliding
through the pool is a terriifc stress release. I work on my
breathing, trying to regulate one breath with four strokes.
It's bloody hard, I can only swim 100m then rest for about 5
minutes before starting again.
Your arms and shoulders pick up a little buff after swimming
regularly for a few months. I was swimming 3 times a week
for about 2 months and already my shoulders and biceps
perked up a little. The aim is to reverse the clock and
look like those ridiculous 16 year old schoolboys with the
6pax, weightlifters' shoulders and ripped triceps. And
don't get me started on the girls either.
It is bad enough getting comprehensively thrashed in the
pool by the 14 yo schoolgirls. They don't have to show off
their shoulders and make me feel totally inadequate as well.
Since I have been spending alot of time obsessing about body
images, Let me take you through my body:
Feet - perfectly normal as far I can tell. Both have the
required 5 toes.
Calfs - can't do anything with them. I've spent ages on the
calf raise in the gym but it did nothing. Some blokes have
ripped calves and others don't and I'm in the other's
category. Calf is probably a bit longer than normal, which
might explain why it's difficult to bulk up.
Thighs - now we're talking! All those reps with the leg
press and leg extension really paid off. I was boxing
training in shorts one day in front of a wall-to-wall
mirror. I remember being struck dead looking at my thighs.
Imagine a shoebox under your skin and you have a pretty good
idea of what my thighs look like. BIG.
Meat and Two Veg - Mr. Acorn, well met. I won't even
ridicule myself with Mr. Acorn's vital statistics. Mr.
Angry is vastly more respectable and can reach an average
13cms when at full stand. Mr. Angry's flaming red head is
due to circumcision.
I have 2 balls which come in a bag. I think that's right..
Stomach - for storing alcohol and food. Should be ripped
and 6packed but is rounded and carries a spare tyre.
Constantly at odds with the brain.
Tits - Would measure somewhere in the low A cup range.
Don't know if it's natural bulk in the chest or rather
droopiness caused by a) older age and b) overweightness.
Hope not.
Shoulders - Eminently respectable, broad and strong.
Arms - skinny and lightly tanned/freckled w/ golden hairs.
Chicks dig the arms.
Neck - too long.
Head - rounded, pleasant face is giving way to chubbiness,
particulaly in the cheeks. Very small mouth struggles to
contain large teeth. Abused nose looks out of place. Eyes
are round and blue and frequently red-eyed. Hair is dark
red and going quickly.
