_

[DrAxeman]

Today has been pretty uneventful, except I screwed up and very logn heartfelt email I was going to send someone. I was going to send it from one of my online email accounts. It was very long, emotional, and too a lot of time to compose. Well, stupid me didn't save it when I decided to take a break from it. I just went back to work, waiting for a good time to continue it. Well, I was taking care of some of my work email and clicked on a URL in one of them... guess which browser window it decided to use? Yep, the one I was writing in. I tried the back button, but no use. It was gone. I started to write it again, but the moment was lost. Maybe someday I will try it again.

I think I am just in a retrospective mode today, hence the Bob Dylan I'm listening to... that's not so say I don't listen to Bob when I'm in other moods. Bob is just an amazing musician. People make fun of his voice, and I agree that it's not the best. But look at who is making the big bucks today and tell me they would have been successful without multi-million dollar campaigns behind them. Britney? Christina? Justin? They'd be flipping burgers without MTV. Bob Dylan (and many others of a earlier time) just had their music..

What song's playing right now?

One of Us Must Know (Sooner or Later) from Blonde on Blonde

I didn't mean to treat you so bad
You shouldn't take it so personal
I didn't mean to make you so sad
You just happened to be there, that's all
When I saw you say "goodbye" to your friends and smile
I thought that it was well understood
That you'd be comin' back in a little while
I didn't know that you were sayin' "goodbye" for good

But, sooner or later, one of us must know
You just did what you're supposed to do
Sooner or later, one of us must know
That I really did try to get close to you

I couldn't see what you could show me
Your scarf had kept your mouth well hid
I couldn't see how you could know me
But you said you knew me and I believed you did
When you whispered in my ear
And asked me if I was leavin' with you or her
I didn't realize just what I did hear
I didn't realize how young you were

But, sooner or later, one of us must know
You just did what you're supposed to do
Sooner or later, one of us must know
That I really did try to get close to you

I couldn't see when it started snowin'
Your voice was all that I heard
I couldn't see where we were goin'
But you said you knew an' I took your word
And then you told me later, as I apologized
That you were just kiddin' me, you weren't really from the farm
An' I told you, as you clawed out my eyes
That I never really meant to do you any harm

But, sooner or later, one of us must know
You just did what you're supposed to do
Sooner or later, one of us must know
That I really did try to get close to you

Great album! The song most people know from it is "Rainy Day Woman #12 & 35" ...everybody must get stoned.... Other "hits" were "Just Like a Woman", "Sad Eyed Lady of the Lowlands" and "Temporary Like Achilles". Interested? Maybe I'll give you access to the 5 gigs of mp3's I have locked up on my server at home.. and then again maybe not. You'll just have to impress me first.... naked pictures are always nice..

Just kidding. I used to have them available for download, but with the current legal situation and Lars Ulrich trying to personally kick the ass of everyone trading mp3's I decided to take them offline. Besides they were taking up too much bandwidth. Google however doesn't realize this yet. My current web stats show an average of 300 people a day trying to download mp3's from my site. Call me paranoid, but I don't think that I'll look good in a orange jumpsuit. (That and I don't squeel like a pig.)

 

[DrAxeman]

Funny creatures dogs. My dog is looking at me with that look that either says "I wanna go fishing in the boat" or "I just cleaned out the catbox for you". *sniff sniff*.. Yep, it's teh second one. Just kidding. But she does have that look. She does like to get into the catbox, but my cat is obsessive-compulsive about his box. He gets in there, does his business and then scratches around for 10 minutes. I'm not exagerating. First he covers it with the litter in the front, then he scratches at the litter in the back, then he scratches the linolum outside the box (I have to be careful to never leave anything on the floor near the litterbox.... I've found a few pair of boxers in his box over the years....) after the floor hs has to paw at the cabinets. After all this he'll get out turn around and reach back in there and scratch around some more just to make sure he got he job done right.

It's kinda funny to watch. Strange cat, he'll walk around in a tub full of water. Even acts like he likes it. Strange...

 

[DrAxeman]

Jungletown

I have been listening to "Born to Run" in my office all morning. I seem to get lost in the music to awaken when I hear Jungletown starting:

JUNGLELAND by Bruce Springsteen

The rangers had a homecoming in Harlem late last night
And the Magic Rat drove his sleek machine over the Jersey state line
Barefoot girl sitting on the hood of a Dodge
Drinking warm beer in the soft summer rain
The Rat pulls into town rolls up his pants
Together they take a stab at romance and disappear down Flamingo Lane

Well the Maximum Lawman run down Flamingo chasing the Rat and the barefootgirl
And the kids round here look just live like shadows always quiet, holding hands
From the churches to the jails tonight all is silence in the world
As we take our stand down in Jungleland

The midnight gang's assembled and picked a rendezvous for the night
They'll meet `neath that giant Exxon sign that brings this fair city light
Man there's an opera out on the Turnpike
There's a ballet being fought out in the alley
Until the local cops, Cherry Tops, rips this holy night
The street's alive as secret debts are paid
Contacts made, they vanished unseen
Kids flash guitars just like switch-blades hustling for the record machine
The hungry and the hunted explode into rock'n'roll bands
That face off against each other out in the street down in Jungleland

In the parking lot the visionaries dress in the latest rage
Inside the backstreet girls are dancing to the records that the D.J. plays
Lonely-hearted lovers struggle in dark corners
Desperate as the night moves on, just a look and a whisper, and they're gone

Beneath the city two hearts beat
Soul engines running through a night so tender in a bedroom locked
In whispers of soft refusal and then surrender in the tunnels uptown
The Rat's own dream guns him down as shots echo down them hallways in the night
No one watches when the ambulance pulls away
Or as the girl shuts out the bedroom light

Outside the street's on fire in a real death waltz
Between flesh and what's fantasy and the poets down here
Don't write nothing at all, they just stand back and let it all be
And in the quick of a knife they reach for their moment
And try to make an honest stand but they wind up wounded, not even dead
Tonight in Jungleland

Powerful stuff..

Got friends coming from out of town, heck out of state tomorrow. I really need to clean up the house. My dog decided that it was high time she got to shredding her favorite toy... "Studly".

Studly is a stuffed golden retreiver that he used to snuggle with then she was a puppy. I'm actually kinda sad to see him go. I wonder if she realizes what she did? I wonder if she remembers the comfort she received from Studly. I kennel trained my dog, so she sleeps in her kennel (crate) at night and when I am not home. When she was a pupy I'd find her snuggled up with Studly in the morning. Her kennel is like her own bedroom, she goes in there sometimes on her own to sleep in the afternoon. One time I found her laying on her back, legs up in the air and studly laying on top of her.. wish I had gotten a picture of that.

Maybe I'll restuff him and sew him back up....

 

[DrAxeman]

Sometimes I have this urge to write, other times.... nothing. Not sure why that is. I used to spend hours everyday writing, now, nothing. I think that this journal is gonna be a flop, but we'll see.

My middle son turns 5 today. I have three boys, T is gonna be 9 Aug 18, A is 5 today, and J is gonna be 2 on Aug 4.

Last night after wrapping the last of his gifts I decorated his bed. There was just a little bit of SpongeBob Squarepants wrapping paper left, so I cut out a bunch of the characters and taped them up around his bed while he was asleep. I couldn't see what I was doing because the room was dark.. This morning I went down there to look at my handy work and they were all gone! I asked him about them and he looked at me and said "There in the garbage, I didn't like them." I was a little heartbroken, I was hoping it would just be an awesome way to wake up. Oh, well. I did the same to my mom at times.... I tried and that's the important part, right?

That's sad. Ah well. Maybe adolescence is coming on early.

God I hope not. In 2 weeks my youngest turns 2, next week he'll be leaving for college....

On to happy thoughts.. I got A a shark flipper/gogle set for his b-day. It's kinda cool, the gogles have a flap that goes over the forehead and has a shark fin on it! He's gonna love it, so I'll be out in the lake this afternoon. He's actually gonna get a lot, and it's good. He has been looking forward to turning 5 for a long time. He wants to go to school, so 5 means he can go in the fall.. that and he can start karate! :up:

Well, I gotta go get his cake. Bob the Builder.... very cool!

PM or email me if you want me to save you a piece!

 

[DrAxeman]

Everybody seems to be on downers, so I thought I'd wax poetic tonight.

I have been thinking a lot about happiness and what it REALLY means. I think about how at 18 I was in love with someone so deeply that it hurt, and how my life would end with out her. I remember how scared I was being kicked out at 18 and realizing that I was gonna have to sink or swim, cuz no one would help. I cried like a baby. I remember times that seemed so desperate that I thought my life would never be the same, and maybe that was true. No matter, I survived. I picked my self back up off the ground and moved forward.

Why? Cuz I knew that tomorrow would be better, and if not then the next day. Even right now I could go on about what scares me, and what stresses me out. It wouldn't do any good. Instead, I am going to try to focus on the good things. Here's why:

A.) Money is ALWAYS a problem. Either you have too little, or too much. If you have too little you can't pay for stuff. If you have too much you have to worry about being ripped off.

B.) My job is not going to provide me fullfilment. I work for huge company (one of the worlds biggest) and I mean as much to them as 1 ant does to the colony of millions. I never liked computers, they just came naturally. Hell I was a music major. My job if for the money, fullfilment comes elsewhere.

C.) Todays problems will be solved in time. They always are. It's OK to worry a little, and try to resolve them as best you can. To quote Blues Traveler, “It won't mean a thing in a hundred year”. Problems will pass.

D.) Death will happen, get over it. No avoiding it. Don't be stupid though, no point in dying today.

Keeping all this in mind, I remember the things that have made my life great. Those things that made me smile. Everyday I am going to try to remember those things. Things like the first time I saw a girl naked, and how nervous I was.. the first time I let a girl see me naked, and being scared she'd laugh... the first time I heard my children laugh.. the first time I realized that someone liked me, I mean really liked me...

Happiness comes in small doses, enjoy them!